<b>Green Belt...</b>

I had my green belt testing on Saturday. It was harder than most tests and Im not really sure why. I was pretty drained when it was over but I was really excited. In perspective there are 10 belts before Black. [[White, Yellow, Gold, Orange, Green, Purple, Blue, Brown, Red, Red Senior, Black]] And I just got my Green. Ill be working hard for Purple now and hopefully in September Ill get it. I would probaly get it sooner but I have to go out of town for all of June.

<b>Graduation...</b>

Graduation was yesterday. In itself it was pretty boring but I guess it's tradition. I dont think it's really hit me that that was it. I mean really it... done. no more high school. ever again. College this fall... MTSU. Im pretty excited. I can't wait to see what the future holds for me...

<b>Grandma.... </b>

God I cant wait for her to LEAVE!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow I take her to the airport and Im so freaking anxious. I know it sounds awful but I want to never have to spend time with her again! She's awful to me. She told me my hair is unbecoming.  She told me Im gaining weight and need to get a handle on it or [insert that boy's name here] would never ask me out and that Ramen Noodles are the reason Im fat. She is so cruel to me and mom. OK yes Im overweight, yes Im not really pretty but I dont want to hear it over and over again! I already have low enough self esteem. I already struggle with depression so if you dont ave anything nice to say to me... DONT SAY ANYTHING!!!

<b>The Gathering...</b>

The Gathering had a barn party tonight. It was fun Im glad I went. I met a couple people I guess. I just dont know. I feel too young. like I dont really fit in with them yet cuz im not old enough. Maybe Ill wait till next year to start going? I sat there in cried just searching for answers on what to do next. Im so lost. I dont know if Im ready for the Gathering but I need something. I want to make friendships that MEAN something you know... I just want to fit in and be cared about! I want to meet people who will help me grow towards God and not keep running in the total opposite direction.

<b>Boys...</b>

OK. so although I think you all know who <i>that </i>boy is by now.... Im still not saying any names. But I really like him and its absolutely driving me insane. He's going away for a month and so it's not like we can even start a relationship... plus I dont really know how he feels about me. I mean I know he likes me... but i dunno... ugh. Plus EVERY time we try and make plans something comes up... and he leaves NEXT WEEK... then I wont seem him till July. UGH why me??? why me??? I dunno I guess if something is meant to happen it will but by then I might have driven myself entirely insane!

&hearts;meag