in dealing with my mawmaw's cancer its been an issue from within... not an issue to ask "Why?" to God or abandon my trust in my Savior.... the issue has been what is it that the Lord has instore despite this trial in my life... How will God get the glory and honor and praises in this hard situation as my MawMaw is dying due to Stage 4 Melanoma???
I came to MTSU with not much...just knowing God was beautiful, and He has a good plan in my life and that He desires an abandoned worshipper...grasping that was hard until numerous of questions that had no answers...then, I realized the intensity of my MawMaw's situation...sitting back and realizing the magnitude of such a disastrous attack on our family. My MawMaw is a monument in the Dunahoo side of the family...she is cornerstone of the family because she has fought for justice and what is right and best for the family... i have a love for her that i cant express...the sight of seeing a petite, fragile woman who cries everytime she see's you is a humbling sight...but within her is a bold statement of what is right and a near perfect example of thankfulness and servants heart...
must i go further???
to see her falling from my life, in pain with cancer that has consumed her body and spreading rapidly now to the point of being in her brain makes me want to see her just once more to say "i love you"

this blog is everywhere i know but today at AO i heard the speaker say a beautiful thing...
"would if God purposely builds walls in your life and doesn't always open doors?" ... "would if God would rather see you fail than succeed?" .... these question seem dark to many, but i saw it as God revealing to me in saying "ITS OK, John" ... just keep pushing forward for me and find a love in me that not many do... broaden your faith in me through pushing forward despite the issues that i have placed around you because "I" ::God:: will not tempt you beyond what you can bare...

He delights in an abandoned worshipper...and thats what i desire to become