Untitled

January 28 2007

thank you so much for trying.


it really does mean a lot. like, a LOT a lot. it makes me feel really important, really worth an effort.



i still miss you. i hope im the first to kno when u come bak down, whenever it ends up being.

Untitled

January 28 2007
well i havent been on here in a while. ive been really busy. everything is going really good. what have you all been up to?

hide your head in the sand little girl

January 28 2007
alone and not apart
you finished what you could not start
in the corners of the day
you catch my eye and then look away
what a generous remark you made
when you blew it all away.

Has any one ever had that friend who's just been really laid back, goes with the flow, doesn't hold expectations of people, isn't always searching to better himself, isn't smug in the least, and is loyal as fuck. Well what happens when this personality shifts? What happens when this friend starts trying to take chargeof not only their own life, but the lives of their friends also? What happens when this friend puts up new standards for you to reach? What happens when their ego has been built up so much , that you are no longer a worthy candidate for friendship.?
What happens when they send out the old and bring in the new?

I will tell you what happens. People get pissed as hell, that's what fucking happens. Ok, maybe not pissed, it's worse than that. People get hurt, they get what they gave handed back to them, their Self, only this time in a paper sack. They get soothing words overridden by a contemptous smile. This is what happens.

It's wonderful to find out that some one you think the world of, doesn't even think of you at all. I've built some one up on a pedestool, who didn't even deserve to be there to begin with. This is tragic. I have learned my lesson. Mary Anne said "it was everyday implied but never declared", and whilst my situation does not entail a love on that level, this quote is relevent. These past few weeks i have been humbled, humilliated, and completely put in my place. One of my dearest friendships has been torn apart and i can only speculate on why. I dont know if i should pretend everything is ok or not. I just dont know what to do. I don't know if i want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Even if i wanted to help patch this all up, I dont think i have anything left to give. And what hurts the most is that if i wanted to it would be completely one sided. I would be the huntress to an intelligent, cold, and yet coy prey who would always escape at the last second.

Dieses ist eine versuchende Nacht, ich waschen meine Hande dieser Scheisse gewesen.

Monday Morning, Already ???

January 28 2007

The older I get, the more convinced I am that weekends should be 3 days long instead of two.  Seems I just can't accomplish all the things I want to do on the weekends - - - hmmm, maybe that is what retirement is for.


On Sunday, Decy and I went and got a massage then ate Nasi Padang.  I (unfortunately) did some work and Decy took the girls to Pondok Indah mall to get some stuff.  Later, a good friend of mine Nat came over and visited.


Nat use to be an expat here in Indonesia, went back to the US, worked on a bunch of Angola stuff, and now will soon relocate back to Indonesia.  Its a "small world" in my business.


When I woke up Sunday morning, I noticed I had a big golf-ball sized bruise on my right hand (round in shape).  I figured I had gotten it from the mini-massage by Mimi the night before .... but maybe from the hash.  All during the day, I watched the bruise - it has lightened a bit, with the center turning a little lighter (but not white) ... there was/is just a bit of soreness.


Mimi was out all day (her day off), so we didn't see her until evening.  In talking to her (I was teasing her about brusing me) she advised that I had it on my hand when I came home from the hash.  The only thing I can figure out is I must have gotten poked by a sticker bush.  Of course, that would have been pretty easy when you are running through the jungles not on a trail .... I also have a thousand grass cuts on my leg ... actually not a thousand ... but it feels like it.


Time to close - need to work on some financial stuff.


Ciao ciao

Quote of the Week

January 28 2007


It's kind of fun to do the impossible.

**Walt Disney**

photo from kim

Phusebox Craziness + Girl

January 28 2007
So Phusebox is all crazy lately.  I mean, things, they be a-changing.  Kind of exciting, yet, at the same time, I'm wondering if the Phuse experience will be the same.  It'll probably be better, though this is already what I would consider the best blogging site of the whole Interwebosphere...net...thing...

+

The whole girl situation is going great.  I'm actually a bit surprised at how good things are going.  Now, those of you that really know me know that I have issues with commitment - within a few weeks of dating a girl, I'm thinking about the possibility of a wedding.  Well, this one is no different, except for the fact that we're still together after 2.5 months.  This matches my college record of time spent dating a girl, so I'm both excited and nervous as this is when poopy things would tend to start happening.
At the same time, I'm a little bit more confident in our abilities to tolerate one another due to a recently discovered situation - time spent together is not a constant, but a variable.  What I mean, in effect, is that, mathematically, I've spent more time in conversation/presence/whatever...I've spent more time with her than any other girl I've dated.
Mathematically: I spent x hours per day with Kari for 6 months on average (this includes time spent on the phone, etc.).  I've spent approximately 4x hours per day with Brittany for 1.5 months (not including time on the phone or instant messenger, which makes up the month of Christmas break).  Already, I've spent more time with Brittany than with Kari.  If this rate continues to be maintained, one year with her would be comparable to four years with Kari, except happier since it's with Brittany instead of the angry ho.

Anyway, that's all I've got for now.

Gentle and Quiet Spirit

January 28 2007
In regards to my last post, if I/we are longing for something that is of great worth in the sight of God...what is it that we are longing for? What is 'a gentle and quiet spirit'? What does it mean? 

Thought of the day

January 27 2007
Why do people constantly worry about what makes sense? There are lots of things in life that don't make sense and that is the beauty of it. Take love for instance. Why do people, like me, wait for someone who is in another state? Does it make sense? Is it the most sensible and normal move? Probably not. I've actually had people tell me that what I'm doing is crazy,  that it makes no sense. To which I respond "Why does it have to?"

Life doesn't have to make sense, and neither does love. According to Keats the purpose of an education is to learn to live in a world where the ends don't meet. Which I totally agree with. Thank you Clyde, my Law and the Legal System professor, who does not want to be called Dr. Willis, and his Rules Thirteen.

ramble

January 27 2007
life is like the wheel of fortune
all you get to do is take a spin
and hope you hit the jackpot
but even if you get it you still have to be smart enough to keep it

Sunday Morning

January 27 2007

Just a quickie while others sleep.  Went on the TGIF hash yesterday (Saturday).  Its one of the hashes I use to go on - back in 2001.  Also, brought a friend of mine that I knew in Angola that was also transfered to Indonesia.  The TGIF hash use to be on Friday's (duh) but traffic forced them to move to Saturday's (can't run in the dark).


The run was good - through the jungle, rice fields, through a few kampungs (communities).  While running by myself I got off the trail and couldn't find it for 15 minutes.  However, I was following a river and knew that if we crossed it once ... we would have to cross it again (to close the circle).  So I kept running up river.  Finally found the bridge and the trail again.


All in all it took me probably 1 hr 20-30 minutes.  Decy didn't run, and said I was about 10 minutes behind the leaders. There were many folks after me, so I don't feel too bad.


As for the festivities before and after the run, I was sorely disappointed.  Virtually nothing before the run ... no joking, no welcoming visitors ... just "here's what the paper looks like on the trail, have fun".  Afterwards, we waited around for nearly an hour - but the closing circle was even later than that - so we left.  I know there was an "on-on" (dinner & party afterwards) but obviously we didn't go.


As for the folks there, there were many still from 2001.  The group was very small (maybe 25-30 folks).  And hardly any younger, higher energy folks - primarily a bunch of old geezers that looked like they had been on too many hashes.


So - although I loved the run - the group dynamics left something to be desired.  There are 3 or 4 other hash houses in Jakarta and another one that runs on Saturday's also.  I need to find that group and check it out.  I want to run !!!!


*** also, please pray for Decy - she's getting quite a few headaches lately and recent blood work showed her chlorestorel to be quite high (not sure why).


ciao ciao ...

Welcome to the One Club-Siegel Phusebox

January 27 2007

Welcome to the One Club Siegel Phusebox!! We want to make this place a place to share info on the incoming week and a place of encouragement. So if you are part of One Club @ Siegel or anywhere else join us! We hope to put stuff up daily and how you can pray for the upcoming week and some time of encouragement! Hope you all have a great weekend. Also if you would like to leave a prayer request or have a suggestion for a future One Club please send them to us @ oneclubsiegel@yahoo.com or message us here @ phusebox.


- stephen



Unto God always

January 27 2007





You
always here people say “live a life of worship.” I, myself, had
God tell that to me after prayer once, no more than a couple weeks
ago. And as I walked out of that prayer time, my mentality and
everything was so much.... better. I don't know, there's just
something about constantly having Him on your mind, and to exalt Him
and lift Him up in everything that you do. Living a lifestyle of
worship, all that you do is unto Him.




Well, I
guess I would say this is definitely one of those verses that
encapsulates that.


Psalm
34:1


I will
extol the LORD at all times;
      
his praise will always be on my lips.




His
praise is always on my lips. Now.. I don't really think you can have
any type of productive conversation with other people if you're
constantly saying “Bless Jesus, Blessed be His name, Glory to God!”
I mean, think about it “What's up Adam?” “Blessed be the name
of the Lord, Praised be His name!” “Um.. okay, how was class?”
“Jesus is good, Hallelujah, let His name be exalted!”.. you get
the point. But you can be lifting Him up in every conversation you
have, even when it has nothing to do with God or how good He is or
anything. Living a lifestyle of worship is so much more than
repetitive exaltations to God, at least, in the sense that we
initially think. But no matter what, I should somehow be praising
God in what I'm saying, which makes me think about complaining, about
self pity and loathing, and even about “venting” as we call it.
Is what we're saying praise to God or not? I would say complaining
and self pity really can't ever be, but I would say, however, that we
can vent, and still be lifting God up. What I mean is, I can be
expressing my frustration, weakness, or humanity, to God, but
with this mindset: You're still good, you're still in control, and
I'm letting you know about my problems because You're my abba Father,
you care, and I know you'll help me through this.
This, as
opposed to “God, I hate the situation I'm in, and it makes me
think less of You.”


For
instance, if you have the joy of the Lord, you really don't have to
say anything, but you're consistent joyful mentality is an exaltation
to God: because you're letting the world know with your consistent
positive mentality, which is not normal, that God is able to take
typical human cynicism and turn it into joy.

Simply,
if praise to Him is always on my lips, no matter what I say, it is in
some way an attribution to God, His control, His goodness, His
sovereignty, His sustenance,generally speaking, Him, as a good God
who's good no matter what. No matter what.

Nita

January 27 2007
I have a really encouraging story to share with you guys! I was at the Shell over by campus, and I was pumping gas. As I was pumping, this woman came over and asked me for fifty cents. I said that I only had a quarter so I gave her what I had. This woman looked homeless, in her mid 30's. She walked over to the payphone, and I felt the Lord say GO and talk to her. So I walked over to her and said, "Maam, how can I pray for you?" She put the phone down and walked back over to me. She asked for prayer in regards to her status. She just moved here from Atlanta, and had no job. This time I asked her if I could pray for her on the spot, and she said yes. So I put my arms around her and just said a prayer for her. When I got done, she had gone from being mad to smiling. Her name was Nita, and the last thing she said to me before I walked away was, "I love you." It was at that moment that I knew it wasn't just Nita saying that to me, it was Christ!!

Untitled

January 27 2007
1 Peter 3:3-4 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead,
it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle
and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

 I don't know how many times I've read those verses, but i was reading them the other night, and it made me feel...very good. I don't know how to describe it. I want to gave a gentle and quiet spirit for it is of great worth in God's sight. It makes me smile.
I've also been reading in Hosea. I just started the other day, and I think that God had a good idea when he used that as a parallel. It's just...yes, He had a good idea.

Grapes and Skillet

January 27 2007

That's pretty much all I've been doing today. Eating grapes and listening to Skillet.


Not much to do today, but I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something important... can anyone out there remember it for me?

Me......

January 27 2007

What makes me ~ME~

1~ I can train Horses
2~ I DON'T paint-ball
3~ I am the youngest of 5 kids
4~ I have a fan club
5~ I like to make home made movies
6~ I make pretty good brownies
7~ I am KING
8~ I love Peter Pan
9~ I have a race horse
10~ I get along with guys better then girls
11~ I have 2 REALLY craZy cats
12~ I have never had a birthday party *that i can remember*
13~ I love to ice-skate
14~ I love the word FANTASTIC
15~ I love going to the movies in craZy outfits, just to see other peoples reactions :)
16~ I have CRAZY friends!!!!!!!!!  
17~ My favorite movie is Step Up!
18~ My favorite song is Stand In The Rain
19~ My favorite place to buy clothing is Goody's
20~ I HATE yes HATE chinese food!
21~ I have Blue-ish Green-ish eyes
22~ I love to kill Lane.......but she always comes back to life
23~ I want to adopt a baby Girl from China and a baby Boy and baby Girl from Africa, When i am older
24~ My dream car is a 350z
25~ I call CowBoy Boots... Horse Girl Boots

Mwah

January 27 2007
Hey y'all! whats up?!? i havent been on latley... i have been SUPER busy! well i really doont have much to write so i will ttyl write to me!
    <3


<3*Love*<3
                    *()Candace()*

this week

January 27 2007

real had to suck for me..


i real dont want to be here anymore... i hate my life at the very moment. so yeah..........life just sucks right now. i just wish i could just be somewhere else and forget all that has happen... life isnt so great for me. i want to leave my house and start somewhere else.... i dont want to be here at all.

Help Needed!

January 26 2007
Ok guys, so I really need some help.

I have an upcoming video project, and I need some volunteers. There are two main roles: one guy and one girl, so I need such people to be willing to act as a main character. There is no dialogue in this video, so you don't have to worry about memorizing. And then, I could also use several warm bodies who are just willing to be in front of the camera but in the background of the main action (for teh most part). Extras for this video are pretty crucial because there will be some shots of them and things that they are doing, but nothing major. So even if you're not much of an actor, if you're not totally camera shy and can do something simple for me I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. My partner for the project is going to try to recruit some of his friends as well, but I wanted the more who are willing the more we have to work with. We would probably shoot next Thursday and this is for my TV Production class.

Also, if anyone works at any sort of restuarant and thinks that we could shoot where you work at a time when it's not busy or something let me know. Or if anyone can think of a location that looks similar to a restaurant but really isn't and can be easily disguised as such and is accessible that would be awesome. Thanks guys, and I'm sorry I'm always mooching for help, but just get used to it because I have at least two more projects this semester plus *hopefully* a short film for the MTSU student film festival... but we'll see how that goes...

New site design

January 26 2007
wow the new look is pertty and cool, so i guess you could call it prettycool...

Untitled

January 26 2007
so this week was horribale
me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday
my stuff got stolen
and yeah it sucks
life just suck
i am hoping next week is better.

Untitled

January 26 2007

You suck.


Seriously. What the heck?


I am tired of this bullcrap.

When will they ever learn?

January 26 2007

*sigh*


When will Oakland students learn that it's a bad idea to stay logged in to phusebox on school computers?  Especially when you're actually out of town and not at at school to defend yourself when someone like myself happens upon the computer you have left yourself logged in on.


So consider this a public service announcement:


If you stay logged in on a school computer, I will find you.  And I will write stuff in your blog.  MWAHAHA!


So Kelsey, if you read this... I love you!  Don't hate me forever.


Obnoxiously yours,
Sarah V.

One Tear at a Time.

January 26 2007

My grandfather passed away this morning at about 6 or 7 in the morning.

He passed just minutes before I could get my mom, brother, and I to the hospital even though I was going about 95 in a 55; I tried. My younger sister was with him when he went and she said he went peacefully and quick.

The only thing good I think I can take from this now is he's no longer in pain. I don't know if I believe in life after death and this, like the other deaths I have experienced in my life, has sent me into a state of confusion and questioning everything.

You know, it's awkward walking into a room of more than a dozen people who are crying. And when you look into the eyes of the body laying there still warm, you feel nothing. It's not until you look into the eyes of the mourning that the emotions hit you: the memories, the conversations, the good times and the bad.

There is one thing that I can say about my relationship with my grandfather in 19 years I have known and loved him. I never once took him for granted and I'm thankful for that. He lived so far away and I hardly got to see him so whenever I did see him or talk to him on the phone, I spoke to him as it would be the last time. As recent events have proven, a lot can happen in mere months.

I was his oldest grandchild. The only one he got to see go through high school and make it to college. The last time I got to spend real time with him was when I came to visit for three days earlier this month. He told me several times that he was proud of me going through school, having a stable job, and being a "good member of the family", as he put it.

Now, we're off to mediate disputes about services and burial plots.

Thanks to those who have given me support. It means the world to my family and I.

<3


imisshimalready.



Being Honest With Myself

January 26 2007
I am tired physically
I am excited spiritually
I am loved sacrificially
I am seeking earnestly
I am waiting patiently
I am liberated absolutely

I am free

I am saved eternally
I am joyful currently
I am restless perpetually
I am hypocritical discouragingly
I am annoyed selfishly
I am fickle disobediently
I am determined obediently

I am free

I am praying intermittently
I am prideful broken-heartedly
I am following diligently
I am doubting briefly
I am Christ-like insufficiently
I am defeated previously

I am free

Bikinis

January 26 2007

This is just something on my mind... Humor me.


If I were to go out in public in a bra and panties I would be arrested. If I were to go out in public in a bikini, it would be fine (well, not ME in one, per se...). Discuss.

Untitled

January 25 2007
College Algebra= evil

Untitled

January 25 2007

AGH.


stop it.


sam.               serioulsly.


get over it.


theyre not signs.


its not fate.


or, if it is...it isnt now.       not yet.







God...


where is my new song?



                                     i fear this ones causing me to lose my mind.

fool

January 25 2007
im on the phone with fatty, shes lame

Friday Already ???

January 25 2007

Another week bites the dust.  Lots of wonderful work challenges ... but nothing I can really write about.  Glad today is Friday ... I'm looking forward to going out with Decy tonight.


There's a 75% chance of going hashing tomorrow.  I am looking forward to it ... although I know the Indonesian hashes are always much harder than the Angolans.


... otherwise ... not much to write about today. Sorry.


ciao ciao

romans12:2...thanks dad =)

January 24 2007
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

i cant

January 24 2007

theres someone out there who needs my help but i cant help because its not up to me

i'm back! (temporarily)

January 24 2007

well, it certainly has been quite a long while since i've used this, so i feel kinda obligated to update.  sorry there's not much for me to say, just a couple of babbling sentences and the lyrics for another song that i like.  well, i guess that's all for now, maybe i'll update again in another couple of months. (joking... i think.)


The last time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't see you with the sun shining in my eyes
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
I'm going deaf from the sound of the freeway

The last time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't hear with your voice ringing in my ears
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
I couldn't feel you, you're always so far away

The first time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't see you with the smoke getting in my eyes
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
I'm going deaf from the sound of the DJ

The first time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't hear with the noise ringing in my ears
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
I couldn't feel you, you're always so far away

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you were to stay with me a while

The next time I see you, you'll turn away
I'll say "Hello" but you'll keep on walking
The next time you see me, I'll turn away
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
I couldn't feel you, you're always so far away

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you were to stay with me a while

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you were to stay with me a while



 


‘make you smile’ by +44


Stood in the rain

January 24 2007


If you stand in the rain,


stand your ground,


stand up when it's all crashing down,


you stand through the pain,


and you don't drown,


where's the someday what's lost is found?


I've chanted the chorus over and over to keep myself up, but now it just feels like this wonderufl peace I've had for so long is merely the eye of a hurricane with the worst yet to come. I thought the worst was over and I was free to live my life off the stage I'd been acting on for so long. I fear tonight I was proved horribly, crushingly wrong.

American Idol

January 24 2007
I'm going to try to try out for American Idol this fall, and I'm trying to figure out which song to practice to death for it.

Anyway, I've got it narrowed down to 4 choices, and I'd like the two or three of you that will read this to share your opinion on which song and why I should use it:

1. Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon & Garfunkel)
2. Yesterday (Beatles)
3. Only the Good Die Young (Billy Joel)
4. Your Song (Elton John)

Thanks!

Untitled

January 24 2007
I am UT BOUND!!! haha I have officially made the decision.. I'm going to the University of Tennessee. Its been the hardest decision I have ever had to make. And I'm gonna miss all my friends so much. But with this comes new oppurtunities and a new chapter in my life. I'm gonna miss the boro... I will admit it I'm gonna miss this place where I grew up and have had unbelievable memories. And I'm gonna miss MY FAMILY more then anything. But MY FRIENDS are who I will miss so so much... I hope you guys know...... but anyways leave some comments!

i would be slightly more willing to drudge through the present if

January 24 2007
God would allow me a minute glimpse of the future. there are certain things..... that i want so badly! never have i wanted to grow up..... but know i want to know!!! where will i be? what will i be? who will be with me?

of what dreams are made (this needed a repost)

January 24 2007

you know what i'd love?


i'd love it if i had a boyfriend that noticed small, quirky things about me that not a lot of people notice or that i don't even realize. and then told me about them at random, sweet times.


like... i'd love that


and there're things that i do, that i do notice, that i purposly don't point out to people, cause i want to wait for that guy to notice... and for him to be the first.


just thought i'd share

Misunderstanding

January 24 2007
Between brothers and sisters.

Between mothers and daughters.

Between fathers and sons.

Between teachers and students.

Between bosses and employees.

Between this church and that church.

Between the Prime Minister of this country and the President of that country.

Between you and God.

Between God and me.

What if we were to simply open up our ears...

And listen to each other?

That we may avoid this miscommunication...

And thus began to understand each other.

Sama Sama

January 24 2007

In bahasa Indonesia can be interpreted as ... its the same ... or "back to you" ... really not much to report about today ... just lots of work and very frustrating internet access ....


There are moments when the access is good ... but it lasts about 10 minutes ... then everything freezes and absolutely no connection ... then it reconnects and continues.  I'll still try to upload some pics ... but I probably won't be successful until the Taiwan fiber optic cables are repaired.


Still haven't hashed since I've been here ... but I think I will give it a try this weekend.


ciao ciao

Where they leave you to die.

January 24 2007
I'm in the large room in the "Transitional Care Unit" in Macon, GA.

They call it "Transitional Care" because "it makes the transition easier" - Or so some random nurse said.

Basically what happens is they unplug all of your treatments: the heart monitors, the blood pressure cuffs, the radiation bag flowing into your IVs. They give you Morphine, Food, and Water.

And then you wait.

"It's up to him and God," said some pompous doctor, "to determine how long he lives."

There is no telling how many people have "made their trasition" here. All I know is it's cold, empty, and nearly lifeless here.

What scares me most?
I'm starting to feel numb to it all.

Disorganized

January 24 2007
That's a word that I would use to describe...
My life
My priorities
My time management
My room ;)


I think it's time for me to advance, grow up, and get to straightening things up. Anyone else going through something similar?

Quote of the day

January 24 2007

"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin." Mother Theresa


Girl's emotions

January 23 2007

I'm going to be
honest and say it amazes me how easily a girl can be swayed or
emotionally affected by a guy whenever he does something "sweet,"
in the sense that he says, does, or expresses something complimentary
or just generally speaking, emotional towards the girl.
I can
watch a guy who knows that what he's saying isn't really that
heartfelt or that original say it simply because he knows what a
powerful effect he's going to have on whoever she is, and uses that
to his advantage.
I can also watch how girls melt when they watch
some guy do something "sweet" to any extent and think "O..
he's the man of my dreams!  How I long for such a guy like
that!"
To just be honest, sometimes this makes me sick,
becuase the guy could very well be a jerk with crafty words.
First
thing, I'm not bashing being a sweet, selfless, loving
boyfriend/husband, I totally agree that's how a husband should treat
his wife; that IS the way it should be.
Second thing, I AM saying
that girls can over react to this, and guys use it to their
advantage.

Girls need to understand something: Just because a
guy can write a romantic song, write a romantic poem, or schedule
some romantic date, doesn't mean SQUAT for his character.  To
put it bluntly, this could all just be a well contrived scheme to get
in your pants.  Or, if not to that extreme, to win you over, not
necessarily because he feels the same way about you, but because he's
a guy, and, well, guys want to win the girl. In other words, a guy
doesn't have to feel like he's totally comitted to a girl to write
her a love song, poem, or any of these things, BUT girls tend to
receive such a message: and frequently get their hearts broken. 


Finally, I know this may seem horridly pessimistic.. maybe it
is.  The only thing I'm saying is.. girls, pray and seek God
about guys: just because they can drop a rose at your door, or right
you a cute love song doesn't mean they're the one for you.

Girl's emotions

January 23 2007

I'm going to be
honest and say it amazes me how easily a girl can be swayed or
emotionally affected by a guy whenever he does something "sweet,"
in the sense that he says, does, or expresses something complimentary
or just generally speaking, emotional towards the girl.
I can
watch a guy who knows that what he's saying isn't really that
heartfelt or that original say it simply because he knows what a
powerful effect he's going to have on whoever she is, and uses that
to his advantage.
I can also watch how girls melt when they watch
some guy do something "sweet" to any extent and think "O..
he's the man of my dreams!  How I long for such a guy like
that!"
To just be honest, sometimes this makes me sick,
becuase the guy could very well be a jerk with crafty words.
First
thing, I'm not bashing being a sweet, selfless, loving
boyfriend/husband, I totally agree that's how a husband should treat
his wife; that IS the way it should be.
Second thing, I AM saying
that girls can over react to this, and guys use it to their
advantage.

Girls need to understand something: Just because a
guy can write a romantic song, write a romantic poem, or schedule
some romantic date, doesn't mean SQUAT for his character.  To
put it bluntly, this could all just be a well contrived scheme to get
in your pants.  Or, if not to that extreme, to win you over, not
necessarily because he feels the same way about you, but because he's
a guy, and, well, guys want to win the girl. In other words, a guy
doesn't have to feel like he's totally comitted to a girl to write
her a love song, poem, or any of these things, BUT girls tend to
receive such a message: and frequently get their hearts broken. 


Finally, I know this may seem horridly pessimistic.. maybe it
is.  The only thing I'm saying is.. girls, pray and seek God
about guys: just because they can drop a rose at your door, or right
you a cute love song doesn't mean they're the one for you.

SO True

January 23 2007
Here are a few reasons why guys like girls:
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms
5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while
8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside
9. The way they look good no matter what they wear
10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. The way her hand always finds yours
13. The way they smile
14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....
16. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you"
18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it)!
23. The way they say "I miss you"
24. The way you miss them
25.
The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it
doesn't hurt her anymore..... Yet regardless if you love them, hate
them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ...
it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the
world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes,
traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things
without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable
consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them
for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not
of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.

Untitled

January 23 2007

left over endorphins + semi-late night + talking to you


= a great next day



yeah, i was in a really good mood all day today. i like being in this kind of mood.



to be remembered is a good feeling.


to be missed feels wonderful.


especially when the missing is mutual.






yeah





: [

Untitled

January 23 2007

well today was started off horribale. my stuff got stolen again. and now it has forced me to no want a purce....lol and i lost my camra. out of all days i decide to bring my camra i lose it. it sucks... i almost lost my drive lience... it's with kaylah and tim. and tomorrow me and tim are going to office jones and tell him that we are think that this one guy, that tim already turned in, is the one....i dont feel srry for that ass... and what makes me made is that someone would do that... it's soo horribale feeling trust me.


but it ended alright... so yeah... my parents are disappointed in me... i cant blam them...


no one likes my boyfriend.... so yeah....


yeah i dont know anymore.... i dont want to break up with him but it's  will get better

Generally Speaking ....

January 23 2007

... I hate surprises at work - because surprises tend to be negative.  Got hit with three surprises yesterday ... all negative urggghhh.


Without going into to many boring details -


Surprise #1:  Just finished (27-Dec) assembling a 2 volume 20 chapter reference manual including CD disk.  Yesterday received an email from a department advising they have just added a new chapter (to be placed somewhere in the middle of volume #1).


Surprise #2:  6-Jan completed a key letter to our VPs in Houston discussing the state of our internal controls.  Just found out yesterday that something might have been overlooked (or perhaps not disclosed to us) - still researching that.


Surprise #3:  Was invited to an health emergency response planning meeting.  Learned that weeks of work I did in November was entirely ignored - they don't even remember receiving the data.  Also learned that they would send out a new request for information (sometime this week, maybe) and would request new information within a week.


Well .... at least it is hump day.


Speaking of hump day ... not sure what is going on with our water heater.  I think the breaker is kicking at night (and I'm the first up every morning).  Have now taken 5 cold showers in a row .... I MUST talk to Decy about this ...  bbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrr ....


RE the dogs and cats, no mom, I don't want any of yours ... have enough challenges here.


Internet access is still sucky ... and today seems worse than others.


Ciao Ciao

hmm

January 23 2007

so as i did some homework today, i realized that school can be tough. last semester didnt seem so awfully hard, but this semester seems kinda crazy. but i can handle it right?


i like the winter time, but it gets cold walking around campus and then it's burning up in the buildings. eh... what can you do. it's not that bad though.


well, off to do homework


piece

Life Lessons

January 23 2007

If life is filled with disappointment,
lower your expectations.




Aim high, expect nothing.






In relationships (all relationships)
Give all you can,
Expect nothing back.





Hard lessons to learn,
but sometimes life itself teaches the lessons.



I’m still learning.

American Government

January 22 2007
I'm taking American Government (POLS 1000) this semester, and I just happened to remember one of my systems of government I created in the 9th grade.  You see, my family took a vacation to the beach, which I detest, so I sat on a chair under an umbrella all day long and read and wrote.  I remember writing out three different representative-style government organizations that I thought at the time would be particularly interesting to witness in implimentation.  I only remember one of them, however:

It's more or less a single branch of government made up of judges.  Each town (i.e. Cookeville or Murfreesboro) or city section (i.e. Manhattan) would elect a judge.  Every town/city section judge in a county would get together and elect one among them to be the county judge.  All of the county judges would get together to elect one state judge.  The state judges in each region (NE, SE, NW, and SW US) would meet to elect a regional judge.  These four judges would elect one of themselves to a sort of chairman position; each judge has the same power, but this one dude just sort of takes care of administrative matters in relation to the nation.
Now, every judge is responsible for everything below him.  So, let's say that I was elected the judge of Cookeville, then elected the judge of Putnam County, then of Tennessee, then of the SW US, then head judge of the country.  If a problem arose in Cookeville, I would have authority over it.  If a problem arose in an area of Putnam County whose judge could not handle it, it would be reffered to me, and so on and so forth all the way up the chain.
The most major flaw (there are many; I was a freshman, give me a break) is that the workload would be enormous, so I made a change to allow each judge to appoint deputy judges beneath himself at every level in order to allow duties to be delegated.

I'd still like to see how this would work in the real world (probably not well, but since when has a government been worth half a fart?).

Untitled

January 22 2007

MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW!!

Passion Podcast

January 22 2007
Check out the ... They just posted a new episode with Chris Tomlin.



Fox

January 22 2007
Anyone else think that Fox's slogan should be, "viewer descretion is advised?"

My descision

January 22 2007
Ok so tell me what you think. Either way I will do what I want. Well I think. Ok You have one week to respond and each will count as a vote for or against what I am about to tell you. I am not sure if I will count Dani's vote.


    I am going to start a quote called Reach For the Stars. Once every week starting next monday.

SUPPPPP????

January 22 2007

heya i just got my braces tightened and they stuck me on a nother set of Rubber Bands for my mouth and stuff..... and my ortho said that i might get them off next time... maybe.... just maybe.... okay well thanks for listening..... I love you all and i will see you Wednesday at church....i think..... or will i....?????.... okay i need to stop this i am freaking myself out.....i catagorize this behavior as EXTRODANAROLY HYPER!!!!!!!!.... i think that is how you spell it....well it is almost time for dinner and my mommy made like a Home Made Red Velvet Cake so it will be GOOOOOOD..... As most of you know Krista and i Are doing a Duet "Small Ensomble" For Fine Arts..... See ya wednesday!!! Love ya
*tootles*
Emily

oh my god

January 22 2007

i am real bored... my boyfriend put me hold so yeah... and yeah he asked me if i wanted to go to homecoming dance with him... i just have to see... i just have to ask but i dont know. my parents need to meet him so yeah.... thats the other problem lol... oh well i'll ask him if he wants to me them on friday if i can go... that sounds like a plan...lol..so yeah.....


well i am out


meg

Entry into Cyberworld

January 22 2007

Hello!



For years, people have told me that I should have some sort of blog online.  In keeping with the spirit of the new year and in simply trying something new, I have decided to do a site on here.  We'll see how it goes.


After checking out My Space, Face Book, and the others, I decided to go with Phusebox because I like the lay-out the best.  I know that I am prejudiced because one of my former youth, Nathan Moore, created this site, but I like how this site has the unlimited photos feature and how clearly it is all laid out.


This site was started for a couple of reasons:  First, people tell me that sometimes I actually have a profound thought about something and it might be good for others to hear it.  Secondly, being the youth minister for a really cool youth ministry I get access to some really good photographs of our youth events before anyone else does.  By posting them on here, others will be able to get them and add them to their web-sites.  I am still learning how to do this effectively so be patient.  Thirdly, I may on occasion have some important information for everyone and posting it on here could be helpful in getting the word out.


I plan on updating this hopefully about once a week.  Being a child of the 70's and 80's, I don't have much of a liking to typing too much on a computer.  I hope that what you find on here will be a blessing to you.



God bless . . .



Chris

Blah

January 22 2007

Have you ever felt like you were drowning? When everything that you did and said was wrong?
Its like I can’t get a brake anymore. Not even with friends, I mean isn’t it supposed to be when your with your friends you can relax? Now don’t get me wrong, there are sometimes when I have fun with my friends. But now it seems like my friends ether don’t talk to me or they say something mean to me. I don’t know! I think I am just so confused that I am lost, and I am so lost I am scared, and I am so scared I am tired, and I am so tired I want to just give up! But I know I can’t give up...........................................

It Must Be Insanity ....

January 22 2007

They say the sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different response.  They say the sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different response.  They say the sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different response. 


So why do I continue to waste my time tryng to upload pics into Phusebox?  Because I am a dreamer and and cautiously optimistic that it will be successful someday.  I believe (think ?) that the issue is the rerouting of internet access via Australian satellites .... but, I don't know for sure.  Supposedly (according to world press) the fiber optic cable repairs in Taiwan will be completed about mid-Feb.  If that is the case ... things should be back to normal a week or two afterwards .... urrrggghhhh.  In the meantime ... $7/day +++ ($8/day when you include taxes) is pretty much being wasted on very limited UNLIMITED access.


As for me and my family, we are doing ok.  Was able to get online "enough" to order some SAT study guides for Chely via Amazon.com ... only took 1 hour .... was afraid I'd lose the internet connection altogether before I completed the transaction - it stalled a number of times ... but didn't die.


Work is coming along - finally getting on the backside of my YE reporting.  Building a new excel- based database application for tracking controls related issues.  It will replace an old highly inefficient spreadsheet.  The new models include a lot of customized drop-down menus (to improve consistency and reduce key strokes), numerous data validations (including some to limit the number of characters in a text (so people don't get too long winded) ... and a really neat security tool where I protect the sheets and cells ... but allow certain, pre-specified users to be able to edit the LOCKED cells without having to use a password.


Thasya has been accepted into a play called Flappers.  She is the singing and dancing line.   Rehearsals (4+ each week) start this week.  The play is in March ... she is going to be busy busy busy ... and will have to stay on top of her studies and rest when she can.  Her modelling lessons end this week.


As for Decy - she's spending time organizing the office and starting to work some business plans RE what she wants to do.  Now that we are pretty much done furnishing the house (a few odds and ends left) she has time to focus on other things.


The dog and cat are doing fine and successfully survived the YE sacrifice period.  Its amazing watching the two of them play.  I can't believe the dog will actually let the cat climb on the dogs back and then get carried around the house.  Hey, wait a minute .... I don't have a dog and cat.  Gotcha !!!


Enough of this for now ... connection might die any minute.


Oh before I forget .... I love my mother ....


ciao ciao

Uncertainty is a harsh mistress.

January 22 2007

Why is it that we spend so much time second guessing ourselves?


It seems as though the entire world is saying, "This is it!  Now is the time that you will decide how the rest of your life will turn out."


I find myself uncertain of everything about the next few years of my life.  Am I going to the right school?  Where am I going to live?  How am I going to stay out of the financial gutter?  Am I making the right decisions?  More importantly, am I making them for the right reasons?


I'm afraid of making the wrong choice.


Even worse, I'm afraid of not making a choice at all and letting opportunity slip through my fingers.


That first big step into the unknown is always the scariest.  Or, so I hear.  I'm hoping that after the first plunge it will get easier, or that I will at least become braver or more confident.

13 And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age."

January 22 2007

Something happened to me today that I can say was the scariest thing I've ever experienced.


I start out every morning with a prayer on my way to school. It's a chance for me to get the day into perspective, talk to my Dad, and make me smile. Well, right in the middle of my prayer, a huge and long Barrett Tow Truck pulled out in front of me to turn into Berkshire(a neighborhood off of Beesley). I don't know exactly what all went through my mind in those maybe 3 to 5 seconds of slamming on the brakes. He barely made it into the neigborhood. I know that if he would have hestiated even more than he did or if I would have been going faster than I was I would have ran into the middle of truck going 45mph.


I stayed where I stopped on the side of the road and I couldn't let go of the steering wheel until I made myself do it. I sat in my car for five minutes and tried to collect myself the best I could. He stopped and came over to my car and apologized.


I know that it's true when God said that He is with us always....to the very end of the age. He was protecting me this morning and I am so thankful.


*smiles* I was almost late to class because I drove 35mph the entire way to school.

: )

January 22 2007

So at the movies............
yeah all i am going to say is it was.......


 FANTASTIC-O!

Quote of the Week

January 22 2007
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
--John Lennon



so im not as cool as brent... but here's mine

January 22 2007
Which Monty Python Character Are You?





You are a Knight of NI! You enjoy shrubberies and terrorize passing people with your words.

Untitled

January 21 2007

FEBRUARY 25=WINTER JAM


theres gonna be amazing bands there:


Steven Curtis Chapman


Jeremy Camp


Matthew West


Hawk Nelson


& Sanctus Real



oooh yeah, definantely excited about that.

Before Tuesday!

January 21 2007
Hey guys, go to the site and fill it out before Tuesday! It's a letter to Bush...help stop the genocide in Darfur! You can make a difference. This is really important and it takes a minimal amount of effort.


http://action.savedarfur.o
rg/dia/organizationsORG/da
rfur/campaign.jsp?campaign
_KEY=6526


Untitled

January 21 2007
There was a robot. A fair machine of minimal importance. A new program was introduced to it, a virus to rot the system. After a long battle to defeat the malicious software, the programmer made a defense. He shut it down, put it into safemode and destroyed every remnant of the virus and its spawn.

After being barraged by the activity of the virus every time the computer ran, the programmer had introduced a protection against it. He had disconnected it from the outside networks to prevent further damage. He thoroughly defended the machine of anything that remotely resembled vulnerability to the type of virus, but that wasn't enough. He needed to test it.

It was tested by a frontal assault from the virus. Nothing. Immunity at last. The programmer had repaired so much of the robot while he was trying to defend it, now he can repair and make significant progress. The virus is defeated and no longer applicable to the computer. The computer can run around with the virus, warning signs will fly but nothing will happen. Stopped. Dead in its tracks.

The computer is running without the virus.

If I wake tomorrow, I have class to attend.

Meanwhile, I am getting better at typing people and prefer observing people in their natural environments. I need to start talking to people myself and engage their minds myself -- the less passive observation. I can see opportunities like I have been needing to, so that is good. I just need to act on them. Because I want a virus.

Untitled

January 21 2007
So pretty much lately the only thing i've been doing is sleeping, going to school, working out, and playing guitar. It really sux not having a car. Like it REALLY SUX. I'm getting tired of bumming rides off people. Work is alot better now b/c i'm only working 20 hrs. a week. The only downside to that is that i am trying to save for a truck and well...its a slow process. I am excited about formal, prom, graduation, getting a truck, and all that good stuff! So i guess i have alot to look forward to! Anyway that's about all and i miss my friends in mountain brook!


[hey there delilah]

January 21 2007
life is so "blah" lately.
i don't know. it's like i'm waiting for something to happen...
and it never does.
i keep waiting for "the guy"
or the "perfect opportunity" to approach me.
maybe i'm not doing something right?
i don't know.

it's like i'm not happy, but i'm also not sad.
i'm in that in-between stage where i don't know what to do.
or how to handle things that come my way.

yes, i am extremely blessed and have a lot compared to some.
and i'm definitely not complaining by ANY means.
i just find myself wanting more of what this life has to offer.
and today i just put it in god's hands.
i'm hoping and praying that whatever i'm looking for
(which i'm definitely not even sure what it is)
will come to me one of these days.

hmm.
maybe.

okay, that's where i'm at right now.
*sighs*


[becca]

The Choice

January 21 2007
I really like something that Brother Dean said this morning in church...

You have to make a choice. You are either for God, or against God.

So then why do we have so many lukewarm, riding on the fence, watered down Christians running around?

Why do we proclaim Christ, supposedly choosing Him, and then turn around and not act like it? Why do we ignore the teachings in the Bible that we don't like and only live out the ones we do like? I know I'm guilty of this. We try to justify our sin (and even the sins of others), regardless of whether or not the Bible addresses that issue directly. It may be a blatant command and we still try to find a way around it.

Why do we want to live like that? If we truly loved God, and if we truly had a relationship with Him, wouldn't we want to (and desire to) live according to His Will, and do exactly what He has commanded? Shouldn't we be so focused on Him in every aspect of our lives (including but not limited to dating and marriage, politics, our career, our major, etc.) that the right thing just naturally flows out, leaving no room for grey and doubt? Why are we worried about leaving God in control when we know that His way is the best way?

So, if you have chosen to follow Christ, and none other, then why don't you start acting like it? Why don't you and I look to Him alone for our every need? If we love Him as much as we claim to, and have a personal relationship with Him as we state we do, then I think we ought to live it out.

Whats Up?

January 21 2007

Whats up people?
I have had a REALLY long weekend.
1~ On friday i went to Classes.
2~ I cooked a bunch of stuff
3~ Took care of 10 horses
4~ Went to a party
5~ Froze to death talking to people outside in the FREEZING cold.
6~ Saturday went and worked at a connection stand at a rodao.
7~ Then, Babysat little kids for EVER!
8~ *My favorite part* Finger painted with the little kids! It was so funny. And Willow *one of the kids i was baby-sitting wanted to do the Cha Cha Slide 100 times so yeah we did that for it seemed like EVER!
9~ Sunday got up and went to church!!
Yep that was my weekend!
Oh, and tonight i am going out with some friends to a movie and dinner, and maybe go shopping! :) FUN FUN!! Yep so i am going to go do something fantastic, talk to you people later!

~~~ Grace

Quiz

January 21 2007
   
                       
        Which Monty Python Character Are You?       

You are King Arthur. Always determined to your quest and never giving up. You are brave, but that doesn't mean that you know when to retreat.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

New School

January 21 2007

So tomorrow i am starting UCA. I'm exited and nervouse at the same time. I had to get my hair cut ... really short and i was growing it out for Hawaii but i guess those plans failed. I am nervouse because i have not been doing there curriculum for a year so i am a little behind but God has a plan. I am going to miss waking up late and eating whenever i want lol but you gain some and you lose some. Oh well.

&#32654;&#20029;&#30340;&#37329;&#19997;&#40522;

January 21 2007

美丽的金丝鹊


宝宝趴在娘亲的肩后哭,
娘亲手指窗外的那一头:
“快看,美丽的金丝鹊!”
我赶忙望过去----
哪有?谎言!
 
我回望过来----
宝宝趴在娘亲的肩后
嘘……
睡了……
  
         2007年1月21日17:00许下公车后

 

&#20062;&#35752;

January 21 2007
乞讨


  他不知道哪里捡来了一个便当,借着寒冷的路光,拼命地吃着。他的身旁随意地倒着两个肮脏的蛇皮带,不知道里面是放着晚上抵御严寒的冬被,还是他捡来用来卖了糊口的废品。他的头发,他的脸、衣服、还有那双拿着筷子的手,都同他身旁的蛇皮带一样,混杂了各样的污迹。他穿着一双破鞋,卷着裤管,双腿随意地向前曲着,坐在这条购物街一旁商店门前的走廊上,专注地吃着,丝毫没有注意到路人经过时,朝他投向的那鼓要么同情,要么冷漠,要么蔑视的目光。或者他已习惯了这些目光,或者他已无所谓了这些目光?......
   你想给他一百元钱,叫他别再吃这些已不再卫生的食物了。可是当你走过时,你犹豫了一下,终而却还是路他而过了。但过后,你却一直为这件事耿耿于怀。你那时在犹豫什么呢?你担心若是你给了他一百块钱,这个月的花费就会超出预算,便没有足够的钱拿回去孝敬一直疼爱你的双亲。可是你刚才才去买了一件并不怎么需要的毛衣……
   除了这些,当时你的心为什么会有另外一个声音,叫你别上当,或许说,那是习惯的声音。你当时担心,担心他象一些专门以乞讨为生的人,你的施舍会助长了这股坏风气!可是,他的面前并未放置任何让施者投入钱币的碗或盆,兴许他真的是位可怜的人,是位可怜的人——你在从他面前走过后一直这么问着自己。不是吗?他真的是那么可怜。
   相比这种犹豫,相比这份担心,几年前你的心里完全的同情却不见了。那时你还在中学,你同父母去寺里进香时见了一位差不多同龄的外乡女孩因家贫辍学而在寺门旁跪求好心人的帮助时,你毫不犹豫地掏出口袋里所有的零花钱。父亲当时笑着对你说,若是以后你没钱交学费,不知会不会有人来帮助你呢。你怀着帮助完别人的喜悦和父母赞赏的目光说,会有的。好在上天待你不薄,让你有一对肯为你无私付出努力工作的父母,才让你也免遇那样的困境。你沐浴着这么优厚的爱长大,心里该也是充满了无私的爱,何以短短六七年间,自己心里却多了那么多隔阂了?
  你现在望着那些在车站、码头、路旁的行乞者不敢再那么"肆无忌惮"了。报纸上说他们专门以乞讨为生,他甚至比你还富有,家里盖的是小洋楼,你去施舍他?那不是很可笑吗?
  是的,多么可笑啊,可更多的是悲哀。为什么我们的社会会变成这样?连施舍都可能是上当。我不相信!并不是所有的行乞者都是骗子,并不是所有施舍都是受骗。我宁愿相信他们都是可怜的人。可是,我们的政府不是有设立救济站吗?为什么真正需要帮助的人不去呢?或许是我们的政策落实不好,救济站只是形同虚设?还是僧多粥少,能得到救济的人毕竟只是少数。还是……
  不管你怀着怎样的疑问,你怎样地想了解真相,事实是你的爱心前被筑起了一道防线——而他是人性悲哀的见证!
 
                               2007年1月11日于厦门文化宫旁住所

The opposite of war isn't peace, it's CREATION!!!

January 21 2007

I'm just hanging out watching RENT with Taylor-bob. We're a funny sight, we are.


We kinda know the whole thing by heart.

smoke of smog

January 21 2007
WHOEVER you are, holding me now in hand,
Without one thing, all will be useless,
I give you fair warning, before you attempt me further,
I am not what you supposed, but far different.

Who is he that would become my follower?
Who would sign himself a candidate for my affections?

The way is suspicious—the result uncertain, perhaps destructive;
You would have to give up all else—I alone would expect to be your God, sole and exclusive,
Your novitiate would even then be long and exhausting,
The whole past theory of your life, and all conformity to the lives around you, would have to be abandon’d;
Therefore release me now, before troubling yourself any further—Let go your hand from my shoulders,
Put me down, and depart on your way.

Or else, by stealth, in some wood, for trial,
Or back of a rock, in the open air,
(For in any roof’d room of a house I emerge not—nor in company,
And in libraries I lie as one dumb, a gawk, or unborn, or dead,)
But just possibly with you on a high hill—first watching lest any person, for miles around, approach unawares,
Or possibly with you sailing at sea, or on the beach of the sea, or some quiet island,
Here to put your lips upon mine I permit you,
With the comrade’s long-dwelling kiss, or the new husband’s kiss,
For I am the new husband, and I am the comrade.

Or, if you will, thrusting me beneath your clothing,
Where I may feel the throbs of your heart, or rest upon your hip,
Carry me when you go forth over land or sea;
For thus, merely touching you, is enough—is best,
And thus, touching you, would I silently sleep and be carried eternally.

But these leaves conning, you con at peril,
For these leaves, and me, you will not understand,
They will elude you at first, and still more afterward—I will certainly elude you,
Even while you should think you had unquestionably caught me, behold!
Already you see I have escaped from you.

For it is not for what I have put into it that I have written this book,
Nor is it by reading it you will acquire it,
Nor do those know me best who admire me, and vauntingly praise me,
Nor will the candidates for my love, (unless at most a very few,) prove victorious,
Nor will my poems do good only—they will do just as much evil, perhaps more;
For all is useless without that which you may guess at many times and not hit—that which I hinted at;
Therefore release me, and depart on your way

Girl Time

January 20 2007

So far this weekend has kind of been an all girls' weekend. And I have to say I've actually really enjoyed it. Typically I'm not a big fan of hanging out w/girls b/c of the excessive amounts of drama, giggling, and discussion of clothing and boys. But the girls I've spent time with and gotten to know better this weekend aren't anything like that, thank the Lord. 


Last night was an adventure. Gracie, Jackie, Kristina, Liz and I went on a mission to get our hall toilet back, which was kidnapped over Christmas break. It basically consisted of driving to a random rather sketchy family graveyard, pretending to visit a grave, leaving our dorm chaplain, dropping the stuff demanded for our toilet and then catching our toilet kidnappers. Then Gracie and I drove to Hixson and saw the Ted Dekker movie Thr3e which was absolutely amazing.


Tonight Gracie, Kelli, and I went out to eat and then came back to Jazzmans and met Colleen. There we made about 15 different words with Jenga blocks and took random pictures, and then went and saw We Are Marshall, also a good movie.


For once the weekend here at Lee was not completely boring. In fact, it was really fun. We've made plans for next weekend. Hopefully, they'll work out. It'll definetely be a lot of new things to try. But now I'm finally gonna be responsible and do some homework. Hope everyone else's weekend is going as well as mine!

pics

January 20 2007






piece

Untitled

January 20 2007

OH MY GOSH!!!!


im soooooooooooooooo happy right now.


the college or architecture at mississippi state just accepted me.


theres a desk there in their design studio for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!



plus im going to a concert tonite. ( :

hmmmm

January 20 2007
thought provoking provocation.

I dont know how to deal with people. or situations. Eugenides claims that i am actually not female at all.. but a male, trapped in a feamale's body. he says that sexual identity peaks at age 2, when we learn to speak either male or female, just as we learn to speak english or german. I know that i do not speak female. I speak Male. this is enlightening information, that i do not know if i am glad to have recieved.

And whilst i am def not a hermaphrodite in anysense. I do not have a crocus or enlarged clitoris. I am still raging with testosterone as far as my brain is concerned. The fact that my mother is the dominating role in the household, also does not help this situation. this is great insight though.... great i mean, this solves a lot. Now i know why all my friends are predominately guys. Explains why girls dont like me. and all that other great stuff.

so.. peace out
DUDES

im...

January 20 2007

having the worst time getting over him.



it wasn't a really long relationship.



but,



he still kissed her......



and i have no closure from it.



he chose her over me.


even though....she was the other girl.

Untitled

January 20 2007

i am havin soooo much fun at my friends house right now!!!!! we hce een wathin movies and hangin out and havin fun outside and dancin and eatin and playin with her dogs!!! it has been awsome!!! We even made brownies! i love the weekends!!!!! to bad that kait has sprainded her ankle though if she cant practice tomorrow then my coach is makin her go to the doctor and there is no tellin what will happen there and i am very nerous for her! plz. pray for her!!!


much love ♥


caroline

yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

January 20 2007

well everyone this week i drove to school....... yeah thats was cool.. i am real bored.... i cleaned the downstairs...yep


oh yeah on monday we went to lost sea. fun as hell. it's sooo much fun. we craweld and got all muddy... but thats ok. we went on the underground lake. got to see nefty rock forms...yep it was great.  tring but awesome. i suggest you to go to lost sea cave it get....even thought we almost got kicked out of the glass...........



meg

Earthquakes Suck !!!

January 20 2007

As per world press ... 7 of 9 fiber optics lines were damaged during the Taiwan quake in late December.  Much of the world's internet accesses have been rerouted - - and ships are in place fixing the cables as I blog.  In the meantime time, internet access to US based systems will suck ... including Phusebox.  Supposedly this will abate in mid-Feb.


In the meantime, things seem to suddenly be getting worse here (internet-wise).  We called the service provider about the sucky service.  They said they have re-routed access via a satellite based in Australia ... and according to them ... the Australians are hogging all the bandwidth and causing instability.


While what they say is probably true ... doesn't make me any happier .... we have to pay $7 a day for this unstable, unacceptable access ... and its very frustrating.  Can't even get into Amazon to buy a SAT study book for Chely .... uuuurrrrgggghhhh !!!!


So, be patient friends and family ....


And, yes, MOM ... I do love you !!!!


ciao ciao ....

Earthquakes Suck !!!

January 20 2007

As per world press ... 7 of 9 fiber optics lines were damaged during the Taiwan quake in late December.  Much of the world's internet accesses have been rerouted - - and ships are in place fixing the cables as I blog.  In the meantime time, internet access to US based systems will suck ... including Phusebox.  Supposedly this will abate in mid-Feb.


In the meantime, things seem to suddenly be getting worse here (internet-wise).  We called the service provider about the sucky service.  They said they have re-routed access via a satellite based in Australia ... and according to them ... the Australians are hogging all the bandwidth and causing instability.


While what they say is probably true ... doesn't make me any happier .... we have to pay $7 a day for this unstable, unacceptable access ... and its very frustrating.  Can't even get into Amazon to buy a SAT study book for Chely .... uuuurrrrgggghhhh !!!!


So, be patient friends and family ....


And, yes, MOM ... I do love you !!!!


ciao ciao ....

Jesus Couch

January 19 2007

hey! Check this web site out. There is a picture of Jesus sitting on the couch at someone's house. it is on the cushion. There also seems to be people praising right below Jesus's face.


http://jesuscouch.com/Home_Page.php

Soph-o-more "Spring" Semester '07!

January 19 2007

Spanish 3010: Advanced Spanish ((the major))- Heaven help me. The professor is from Colombia and has a striking resemblance to George Lopez; I'm not even kidding. I can definitely tell that 3010 is going to kick my butt a little more than 2020, but I should be okay.


FOED 1110: Edu. as a Profession ((Secondary Edu. minor))- I've heard rave reviews about this professor, and I could immediately tell by the way she presented herself today ((she wasn't able to come Wednesday)) that she was serious about her work and would keep us well informed while not boring us to death with assignments.


SPED 3010: Survey of Exceptional Child ((Secondary Edu. minor))- This is going to be an interesting class. The professor is a cheery man who appears to really care about what we learn in his class. He kind of reminds me of Santa Claus.


Fundamentals of Communication ((Gen. Ed.))- This guy is Korean. "South Korean, just so you know". Once again, he seems very kind as well. I'm in this class with Lyn and three girls I graduated with, so that's nice.


Access codes are freaking expensive. My Spanish book was $156 because it came with one, and I had to get the ever so popular ((that would be called sarcasm)) TK20 that is required for anyone who will be getting a teaching liscense that was $120. Ack.

i bleached my hair.. and broke my finger all in the same week!!!

January 19 2007

well if all of you didn't know.. that practically sums it all up!!


i still have a 3.7778 GPA


i broke my middle finger doing laundry


i bleached my hair


i'm still loosing weight.. slowly but surely


i told one of my best friends (guy ofcourse) that i like him and that has not changed our relationship...YAY


i gave my guy friend shirley (nick) a fraux hawk during school and he might switch from prep to punk..


check out this site...


http://www.jesuscouch.com


you will surely be astounded!!!


later!!


!!!i <3 Starburst!!!

Yep, pretty sure I need a Within Temptation CD

January 19 2007

I'm officially addicted now.


Okee-Dokee, Pa's doing great. The tumor isn't on his brain and it's benign (non-cancerous). They're going to remove it at Vandy, wwaaayyyyy better than the hospital in Cookville, I don't care how good Dr. Justice is.


Umm, not doing much else. Camden's bugging me, but what else is new? So how's it going out in the real world?

Blah

January 19 2007



      

“Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about." ~Unknown

cuz we oaklandddd & we balinnnnn.

January 19 2007

27-3. totally killin it! second in state.-ap pole!

well, kids

January 19 2007
my new roommate is moving in as we speak . . .

Happy Birthday to Me........

January 19 2007
So yesterday was my 17th birthday.....

Nothing exciting though...oh well



lyric time!!!

January 19 2007
"Always Something"


Sometimes when you're lying beside me

In your eyes I see

I don't know but it's something it's something

And it's trippin' me up again

It's like you're here but you're not here

I need to know where

But you won't let me go there

Always telling me it's nothing it's nothing

Well I had a vision

Of a lover in my best friend

It's not like me to question

[Chorus]

Something always gets in between

It twists and it turns

You know that it seems to me

Latey I'm so unsure

I can't put my finger on it on it

Stange feeling ripping at the seams

And I've never heard the sound of my heart breaking

Like this before

Before there was always something

[Verse]

Think back on the days when

We were falling

It was so good then

Never worried 'bout a thing, no nothing

Well it's funny how things change

Now a cold wind is blowin'

And I was hoping it's not the start of a bitter end

Could it be that your something

Is someone else

Only time will tell

I thought I knew me so well

I shouldn't put me through this hell

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

Something's always getting in between

And it's always rippin' at the seams


Something's always messing with my vision

Summer

January 19 2007

So Pretty sure we have an AMAZING God!!! I can not wait till this summer! I get to go to Canada for 3 WEEKS!!! I am so happy I can not wait to see what all is God is going to do while I am there!!! Last summer was not the same with out Canada so I am so so so happy and blessed!


Give all your cares and concers to God and he will bless you in so many ways!!


Have a great and safe weekend!


HYPE was hype yo!

January 19 2007
Tonight was the first HYPE, and it went amazingly well.  I was
really surprised how well God helped me bring this thing together. 
He's so awesome!

We had 21 guys show up, besides myself, and
then a 22nd who came midway because he had to be somewhere the first
half, but he brought sandwhiches
The
most we had last semester was 17, and tonight, a night that I was kind
of worried I hadn't announced the first HYPE enough, we had way more
than we've ever had.
Not only that, but man... the discussion, and everything, went so well.

It should be cool to see where HYPE's going to go throughout the rest of this semester.

This semester is good.  God is good.  I love... being here, and seeing what God's going to do with me.
Yep :-)