Relationship Status


It's hard to be happy

June 01 2006
And I feel so bad for not being elated that the baby is coming soon.  I am just very sick from the pregnancy and very uncomfortable.  I am trapped at home for the most part, alone because Joey is at work.  I can't leave because of my panic attacks, and when I can leave I only feel comfortable going to my parents' house.  I was enjoying swimming last week at my parents' house, but this week it's been all rainy in the afternoons.  I'm generally too sick to get out before noon.

I'm looking out the sliding doors of our apartment and the sky is dark again.  It seems that's just par for the course.  My life has become pathetic due to all this sickness.  I just can't kick it.  Joey constantly reminds me that I am pregnant, and it will all be over soon.  That isn't comforting.  Also, after I have the baby it will still take about 3 months to get back to normal.  How am I going to take care of Alden when I am sick all the time?  I don't know how that will work out. 

I read everyone's myspaces, facebooks, phuseboxes, etc., and I see them being active and having fun with their lives.  That was me about 7 months ago before this shit storm.  And it has been so dissapointing.  First, I was too sick to work anymore.  Second, I was too sick to go to school.  Third, I had to medically withdraw from school- something I love doing.  Fourth, I became stuck in the house unless Joey can go somewhere with me.  Fifth, I developed a fear of going to most places even when Joey is with me.  Sixth, I continue getting more sick and more uncomfortable, more trapped and more alone. 

It's sad because this is not the usual state of things for me.  I am outgoing and love to be doing things to improve my life and to help those around me.  I am now incapacitated to do much of anything.  Joey tells me all pregnant women, or most, are like this in their last trimester, but I don't care.  I don't want to sit around.  It is so boring, and it makes me move towards depression.  I can't take care of Joey or do much for him.  We can't go out on dates.  I don't feel like having people over.  I don't even feel comfortable talking to people on the phone.

My life has just gotten ridiculous here lately.  I hope it stops getting worse at least.  It'd be nice if things could start to get better.  If I could just feel better I could get a handle on my anxious and depressive thoughts.  But for now, I suppose I just have to wait out the storm.


June 01 2006
Alden is a greattttt name, its my middle name and sometimes i wish it was my first name bc the name Elizabeth is so common. lol but from a 16 year old wiht the middle name Alden , its a great name and i love it. so i think your baby will like it too. haha im sorry that things are bad for you, but once you have your baby im sure everthing will get a lot better. good luck with your new baby and i hope you start to feel better! - liz

Ben Moser

June 01 2006
me too. i hope you get better. i'll pray for you to improve. as for me, i just graduated and i'm going to utk in the fall.


June 02 2006
I'm thinking about you. I can't wait for the baby (as if you can't relate haha!).