so...

happiness is amazing.
i love it.

=]

youth convention was the most fun i've had in a while...
it was crazy and outrageous..
there are SO many inside jokes between us all..

but yeah, just a short update.
and i'm leaving now.. =]

[becca]

you'll know that the 8-10 split is almost as impossible as the 7-10.

i picked up the 8-10 today.
i cried.
it was beautiful..



haha, i called chris morgan and celebrated.
haven't picked one of those up in years.
glad to know i still have it in me...haha...

drive alone!!!  =]


haha..yeah, i got my license today.
go me!

so my dad made his famous cheese quesadillas and fajitas.

ughhhhh.
i've never felt so fat in my life.
but it was soooooooooo good.
i'm allowed a "pig out" day every now and then. =]

last nights "surprise" birthday party was...AMAZING.
i saw one of my best friends for the first time in about 6 months.
he walked in and my EXACT words were "oh my god. he's actually here."

haha, yeah, it was so much fun. =]

i love my friends.
thanks to you guys who came.
it really meant a lot.
topped off an AMAZING 16th birthday.

love you all,
[becca]

so guess who's finally happy again?!?!?

interesting.

the parents threw a surprise party for me at church.
and pretty sure i already knew it was happening
because i pay attention to EVERYTHING.  haha.

but yeah, it was okay i guess.
considering i hate surprise birthday parties (this is my 2nd)

wow, what a birthday party.
but hey, whatever.




yeahhh..
[becca]

A gerbil named Henry, lived in Bethlehem, in Judea, in the trunk of his
car, who was put there by his father Jacob when he was 2 months old and
he lived on only peanut butter and walnut sandwiches until he was 6
years old. He crawled in the suitcase of the old lady who owned the car
only to find out that it was lined with peanut butter. He indulged
himself becoming massively overweight and developing a cholesterol
problem...not only that, but he developed an allergic reaction to
peanut butter. He got stuck in the suitcase because he was massively
overweight. His allergies increased and he found out that some symptoms
were gas and hives. The reaction was so bad that the gas levels became
fatal. The old lady, who was a smoker, lit a cigarette and ignited the
methane, and burned off her mustache. The blast was so large that it
sent the gerbil flying to and outdoor gerbil farm in the plains of
Iowa, where gerbils run free. Henry became aquainted with these gerbils
and discovered that their religious practices included a yearly
sacrifice of the newest member of their community. He tried to run, but
because he was massively overweight and still shell-shocked from the
explosion, they tied him to a stake. When the fire was lit, Henry
learned of his killer instinct. He grew massive fangs and ate his way
free and he devoured his captors. The news of this canniballistic
gerbil spread to Deputy Deer and his Kitty Crew, in Shabang, Colorado.
Deputy Deer paced to and fro explaining this delicate situation. They
scheduled a standoff for everyone to see. During the battle three of
the four Kitty Crew members were defeated, but not before Henry was
mortally wounded and to the surprise of him and the entire crowd, when
his belly was slashed open four mini Henry's came scurrying out of his
belly and devoured the last Kitty Crew member. Although his obesity was
caused by the excessive amount of peanut butter he comsumed, it was due
to the old lady who was in the study of male gerbil bith giving who has
laced the peanut butter with female hormones. The killer instinct came
from PMS and it was transferred to his four children who were cross
dressers and they were all attracted to male and female limmings. They
were so attracted in fact, that they were willing to participate in
their annual mass suicide, but lucky for them they fell off the clif
into four trunks where they and their significant others living off
nothing but peanut butter...

life has been....ugh...weird lately.
dunno how to explain it, but i'll try my hardest.

i'verealized lately how much i act and put on this show for everyone. even for myself...and i haven't caught myself until lately.

i went to the judgment, and during the scenes everything hit me hard. i had been covering up this lie for so long...i just started bawling. i don't know what happened...but i cried a good 30 minutes or so afterwards + during the actual thing. it's really hard to explain. when i saw all of the
scenes (which by the way have all happened to me in one way or another) i realized how much i take my life for granted and i do stupid
things...without realizing how much it affects my personal life with christ.

i've fallen so far away...haven't been making much room for my "quiet time"...i've not been picking up my bible, i don't pray as often as i should. i don't know. i felt like i had been faking "happy go lucky christian" all this time and didn't even know the real meaning of having a relationship with jesus christ. 

yeah. i screwed up pretty big this time.

i've been hiding and throwing all of my own problems on the
backburner..hoping no one would ever see them. only i would know what was in the back of my mind. and i've been hiding so much for so long. i just needed a pressure valve last night. someone to open it up and let all the steam out. yeah, thanks for being there chris (morgan). i just felt like breaking down in someone's arms. at the moment, i felt so
unloved and unwanted. it just all rushed in at once.

yeah, there's probably no one reading this, but that's okay. i need to get it out of my system.

i hope that if you are though, and i've hurt you in ANY way, shape, or form...i truly appologise. i really haven't been myself lately...and everything triggered anger. and when i say everything, i mean it. i was so vulnerable and satan took advantage of me.

but yeah.
just keep me in your prayers while i'm working everything out with my heavenly father. we need "the talk" again. i need to get some rules set down in my life. bear with me while i'm learning all over again to fall in love with him.

thanks......
[becca]

so....boredom kicks in.


hmm...yeah, you know i'm cool =]


wooooahhhh..



yeah, i'm crazy. but that's fine...cause i'm finally me for once. =]


yeah, love you guys..
[[:becca:]]

guess who's an idiot?



Current mood: embarrassed

yep, that's me!

so
pretty sure that tonight's praise and worship in youth group was
AMAZING (good job russ and david)...well, of course i was the one to
ruin it for everyone!

so, we were in the middle of a song and i
heard a phone ringing...and it sounded like mine, but i knew for sure
that i had put it on vibrate for that reason right before church
started..like when russ starting playing guitar..i swear i did! and i
was talking to myself and saying "holy crap, if someone doesn't pick up
that freakin phone i'm gonna hurt someone...it's definitely hindering
me from worshipping fully" hahahaha...yeah, well. it never stopped. so
i reached down and pushed the button that makes it stop ringing like if
you get a phone call, and it didn't go off, so i was like..."okay, it's
not my phone after all...whew.."

well....BJ just out of
nowhere starts laughing at me and i didn't know why. i mean, i must
have seriously picked up a blonde gene somewhere tonight. ughhhh...so
after praise and worship was over, it was still ringing, and by this
point i was soooo aggrivated. i actually thought it was david cause
when it started to ring, he kinda chuckled and went on. dang it. i was
sooo flipping blonde.

so, after i figured out everyone was
staring at me (it took me a while..ugh) i pulled out my phone and
somehow it was on driving mode and there was a reminder for allie's
18th birthday party and it was going off..and for schedule reminders,
you have to manually open up the phone, go through the menu, and then
turn it off.

so yeah, there's my interesting moment of the day.
i felt like a complete idiot! hahaha..
i turned like a shade of bright fire-engine red. i could feel it.
i hate being embarrassed. ughhhhhh!!!!
oh well. at least everyone else got a kick of it.
maybe they'll forgive me? lol.

trying to find where i belong.
where i fit in..
how i can help.
what i need to do.

so, variety show is finally flipping over.
thank the lord god almighty, most high..haha

my
feet hurt, i have a horrible headache, my voice sucketh a lot, i'm
completely and utterly exhausted, and i'm so glad this part of the
choir performances is over.

trust me, the actual choral music for our concerts sound better..haha
please come to them, they're free and are SO much better.

but yeah, so this week was fun....NOT
and if mrs. g doesn't let us sleep tomorrow, i'm gonna have issues.
we do not need history to repeat itself ;]

okay.
well. here are some pictures.
but...i think i'm gonna go..hehe

couple of friends (and one i absolutely ADORE)

me
and the AMAZING caleb! who i dearly miss in my old spanish class! hey
buddy, you still owe me some notes!!! hahahaha.. i will also miss him
when he quits dairy queen =[  i'll have to go back to sitting alone. no
caleb to talk to. how sad!!


and....


me
and tyler.. yeah, he's amazing. without him, there would be no reason
for me to be happy at school/bowling team. i dunno..there's just
something about him...makes me really happy. and he keeps me positive
when all i could ever do for so long is be negative. thanks ty, for
everything. you're an amazing friend...  =]



(sorry for
the horrible pictures of me guys!! hahaha..the first one's not too bad,
but the second one is horrible because the variety show had just
finished last night...)

variety show this morning was...

ugh!!!

oh my goodness.
apparently everything is my friggin fault.
my dad comes in ticked off from work,
nathanael so kindly informed my mom that he was performing something tonight at school that he had to be at,
my mom didn't even know i had to be at school early in the morning, when i told her like last week
variety show is stressing me out
stupid people at school can't keep their mouths shut
no one decides to inform me on things that i need to know about.

i give up.
i'm at the end of my rope.

sorry manda.

he's fine now.
the doctors still don't know what's wrong.
my mom's thinking it was gallstones.

hmm..yeah.
so thanks for the prayers.


love you all,
[becca]

my brother matt is in the emergency room right now.
i'm actually at home alone until i leave for school.

be prayin for him please.
thanks,
[becca]

so, i'm doing better..haha..
no longer mad at the world..

but yeah, i am single again.
things just weren't working out...that's all i'm gonna say.

i'm still happy and loving life.
yeah..well, remarks are cool! =]

i absolutely HATE it..yes, HATE it..when my friends get so down on themselves.

they think i don't know what they're freakin going through..trust me, i've freakin been there...let me help you...
stop getting so down on yourself and making yourself sound horrible...what you think other people think of you doesn't matter...i've learned that. and 99% of the time, it's not even true...just stuff you've made up in your head.

yes, i still have that voice in my head that tells me i'm worthless, that no one wants to be around me, and makes me wonder why i'm even here..you think i can completely erase that from my mind? no. if i could, it would have been a long time ago.

i just want to help people.
that's all.
is that too much to ask?
apparently so.

so..

guess who's happy?

so..
still not talking about last night..

during service last night, god prompted me to do something. i consider it a major challenge..and i took it.

so the journey started this morning when i woke up and won't be completed until friday night when i go to sleep. yes, a long time...but it's definitely worth it.

pastor nathan preached on obedience last night. AMAZING message. really stepped on my toes, but that's what i needed to hear.

things around here have been crazy, and i've basically been scheduling god for sundays at 10:30AM-12:30PM and 4:30PM-7:30 PM and then on wednesdays from 7-8PM. it's a bad habit that i need to break...soon...so, that's bascially what this week is about i'm guessing...using my time to grow closer to god.

so please, pray for me...especially this week...
i definitely need it..

[[becca]]