[letting it go]
May 31 2007
wishing i could alter things about myself to make things happen.
but i know that i must obliterate this obsession from memory.
i'm much too juvenile to be this attached to something so mature.
i've tried this once before and failed.
i only dug myself a deeper grave.
becoming excessively misplaced in my emotions...
letting them control my existence.
i don't want to relive those moments.
by only wanting something i couldn't possess.
caused myself to fill a void that i fashioned for myself.
i still sense the ache within my heart.
and still desire that i would never have considered any of this.
occasionally, my thoughts threaten my welfare.
putting myself into situations i'd rather not be a part of.
but i know that i'll be all right. i just have to keep telling myself
that despite the fact that i want this so horribly, i'll have to allow it to fade away.
i'll have to let it go no matter how bad it hurtsâ€¦
no matter how much i'll lament releasing it.
don't think i'll be capable of looking it in the eyes with unchanged manner.
i'll always have recollections of the long lost historyâ€¦
but i know this is for the betterâ€¦i just have to be strong
and let it go.
here it goes. i'm throwing it over the edge,
into the profound, sinister, abyss..
never to be seen once more.
i sense the grip of my hand gradually lose its influence.
as the obsession that apprehended me for so long
floats downward at a steady velocity.
a few moments later, vanished from sight.
i can, at last, breathe once more
and salvage my previous being.