December 16 2005

so i'm not quite sure what to think anymore....

it's completely surreal.
everything is.
i feel like i have been walking through these last few days
with a blindfold on.
i haven't seen anything that's happened.
i haven't felt anything.
just. cold. numb. empty. and alone.

i feel like i'm lost.
i've lost my best friend.
he's so far out of my reach now.
or so it seems.
and i hate it.
hate it with a passion.
because i miss him so much.
and he doesn't miss me at all.

i didn't want to get hurt again.
but i trusted him.
and now, here i am.
looking at nothing but pictures.
because that's all i have left.

maybe he'll come around.
come back to me.
because when he backed out of that driveway.
and he was crying.
and i was crying.
he took my heart with him.
and i want it back.
i want him back.
and it's all my fault he's gone.

but i'm not supposed to hate myself for losing him.
it's not going to work that way, i'm afraid.
just. not going to work.<3