So lately i've had a lot more time on my hands than usual, and so far all i've done is work out and other non intellectually stimulating activities. So last night i was feeling particularly down on myself and picked up a book that justin vance gave me a couple of weeks ago.

fast foward to today, i'm on page ninety, and i'm going to go ahead and say that it is better than Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. i don't know, i haven't read all of it yet. it might be that i'm a different person now than i was when i read wild at heart, but it is still amazing, so go read it.

passages that smacked me in the face :

"Violence is arrogance that does not get its way" (smack)

"Submission is not about powerlessness; it is about meekness. To be meek is to have controlled strength." (big smack)

all my life i have had the proverbial "little man syndrome" because i was shorter than everybody else i felt it necessary to be beligerant and fight with nearly everyone. while lately these fights have verbal assaults and so forth, when i was younger it would not be uncommon for me to enter into a playground brawl. bing raised in the deep south, my parents always taught me, "Never start a fight, but you better finish it." needless to say i let this carry over into my speech and so i have alienated countless individuals.

McManus teaches that we have to be humble to be a servant of God, and the greatest thing is not to know that you are humble, but to live your entire life for others. it rocks.

i personally feel that God put Oswald Chambers on this earth to write My Utmost For His Highest specifically for me. every time i pick up that book, and read the days devotional, i get an answer to a prayer, nine times out of ten it isn't the answer that i want, but confirmation of god divinity nonetheless.

Lets take the past two entries for example, September 6th and 7th. if you don't already know this you do now, sarah broke up with me last saturday. so far it has been pretty hard to cope with having such an integral part of my life for the past three years just cut off, and i didn't know why and i was being mad and bitter, and then i read yesterdays entry entitled: The Far Reaching Rivers of Life. it talks about how your relationship with christ will result in a river of love flowing from your heart. however, when there is an obstacle in the path of that river, (hint hint robert, pay attention to the obstacle), the river is blocked. Chambers says: "Never allow anthing to come between you and Jesus Christ - not emotion nor experience - nothing must keep you from the one great sovereign Source." (amazingly huge smack)

so that was awesome, and then i woke up this morning and read: Fountains of Blessings. which once again smacked me for being so short sighted. "If you find that His life is not springing up as it should, you are to blame - something is obstructing the flow...Is there anything between you and Jesus Christ? Is there anything hindering your faith in Him?" ( a mighty smack in the face dealt by God through Chambers)

it is a strange feeling to broken by God, i mean it still hurts and you still feel pain, but through it all you see that eventually it is going to get better, and you can't wait for that to happen.

so in summary, i still love sarah, however i wasn't foucusing on God like i should have been, so God being a jealous God, and rightly so, took her out of my life. Do i wish that i could have had my act together so it didn't take that to get me in line? absolutely. but God gave me warnings, he told me i was heading for hurt, but i ignored him, so he did what he does, he worked in mysterious ways.

I love God, he gives me so much when i know i deserve so little...

ral