June 10 2005
so far all of my entries have been entitled with noises (as opposed to words..). clearly i have a bit of a communication problem....
anyway here i am after the first week at lighthouse, very tired and a little loopy. it is really strange to return to be on staff after 3 years since everything is so different. i'm different! i am now an old fart of 21 (on june 20), wheras before i was only 18. strange but good. this week was challenging since (okay, every week is..) i am acting as camp "nurse" to one of the camps. i am also a counselor, so both jobs are a little crazy. well, it still isn't as crazy as the summer bethany and i helped lead one camp...
so sunday i figured out that when i would pray (would is the key word), it was more out of obligation than anything. of course i thought God would probably do something, but i wasn't really to enthusiastic about asking him (aka praying wihout ceasing). but...good news. prayer really is speaking directly with God! God really does move! i guess this week really brought that alive for me because of some things that happened. i am so glad that i can talk to God! he listens!!!!!
while i am unloading my thoughts, let me address self. myself. i order to say "not i but christ" i must first be presented with situations in which the phrase in question must be either rejected, or embraced. i would like to say that i am a model christian and could be compared to psalty (big blue bible guy), or someone of high rank in christiandom. clearly, this is not the case! i am constantly struggling with this "not i but christ" thing. more often than not i choose i.
this week i noticed that i get very upset when things aren't very organized. i hate it when people assume i know something, and act like i should when i don't. it is at these times that my flesh rears up with teeth barred. upon reflection, i am struck with the lack of insight on my part. Jesus always looked inside people. he knew about their struggles and weakness. he chose to die for the very people i get annoyed with. what right have i to be annoyed with anyone? even if someone is moving purposefully against me, even if they wish to take my life, should my very life not be given for the sake of christ? how much more my inner thoughts and motivations, my desires and dislikes.
a final thought (finally!!)
7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord , for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a rightousness of my own that comes from the law,, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. Philippians 3:7-9


June 11 2005
WOW BABE! God has been doing a lot of revealing!!! Everything you just said reminds me of John 3:30, "He must become greater, I must become less." And also the first chapter of Calvary Road and the whole snake vs. worm analogy in how in our flesh we react like a snake, but how Christ reacted that way of a worm referring to how he was mocked, beaten, scorned, and died on the Cross w/o ever biting back at the very people he was doing all this for! THAT IS AMAZING LOVE! It also reminds me of how if people are moving against and we are receiving some sort of persecution for our faith then we have hope in Christ because of what Jesus told the diciples in John 15:18-25 the reason the world hates them is because it hates Christ. And also in 1 Peter 3:13-17 where Peter is talking about being prepared in every circumstance to share the reason for the hope that we have with gentleness and respect. Sounds like God is doing a lot of things in your heart and life!!! That is very exciting, I know its hard to learn, but it is exciting because it means you are being refined and becoming more like Christ. I hope you have a great week next week and that you continue to bask in the knowledge of God's amazing UNCONDITIONAL love. BY THE WAY- WE NEED TO HANG OUT AT SOME POINT!!!!