I'm hungry

August 19 2005
So it's been a really neat summer..

I started out this summer really kinda bummed out because I was thought I was going to have to have knee surgery but it was definite so I didn't know when anything was going to happen or if I should try to plan to have a job, etc. There were just a lot of unanswered questions, and I really was trying to cling to the belief that God really had something in mind for me this summer but it was tough some days.

However, it was really an incredible playing out of events.

When I learned that my knee surgery wouldn't be happening unleast until July or something (insurance matters), I decided to apply for the swim coaching job at Ravenwood where I worked last summer. Turns out they had a coach! I was really disappointed, but I couldn't blame them, because who would want to hire somebody who couldn't really commit for the whole summer?

Then I went to Colorado. The day after I got back, I went to the pool and found out that that coach had quit! Kind of out of the blue! The next day, I was hired as the coach.

God taught me a lot about myself through coaching those kids. It's amazing how 45 kids can make you really aware of your insecurities and your faults, but they also respond to your strengths. I don't know if that really made any sense, but I was really happy and gracious to get to work with such great kiddos. It was so exciting to see growth and confidence in the water with some of those kids... Two little girls started and they couldn't swim very well at all.. but now, they're jumping off the diving board and swimming like crazy! Anyway, I just hope that I was a good coach to those kids.. and that God used me to love on them! :)

Then the week that swim team ended, I got hired as an associate at Kohl's. haha- It really made me furious at first because I wanted to kill people for making such big messes in the dressing room and just for being rude. Turns out- it's just been a huge lesson in grace. In our Bible study this summer, we read The Ragamuffin Gospel, and it was all about extending grace to others because God has given us so much grace. How can we not extend that grace to the people that we encounter? God has changed my heart... not always. I still struggle a lot with expectations of wanting to be treated like I'm significant and "how I feel like I should be treated" instead of being satisfied with the love of my Creator. It's also been an excellent opportunity just to be exposed to people's character. It's discouraging sometimes, but it just really encourages me to be set-apart, you know, to really put my everything in Christ so that Christ is in me and I'm not alone to fend for myself in a dark world.

Also, with my knee and everything, it's been almost 3 years since I've been able to run around and be normal, I guess... It's frustrating A LOT!! especially with my athletic history. I've gotten 2/3 shots that are supposed to take away my pain, and I'm still awaiting surgery in the near future. But I asked my doctor about getting a second opinion and he was just so okay with it that it was just really comforting. He said, "You're 20 years old and you've got a complicated knee problem. I want you to be happy!" He volunteered a doctor's name and offered to get me an appointmen with that doctor.

It's kind of funny because I really wish that I could go to my doctor and tell him that my knee's better... because I know that he cares. And for so long, I just felt dissatisfied and I just kept praying that God would just be with Dr. Reid and give him proper wisdom and knowledge to diagnose me and patience to listen to me so that I could get better. He's been there for me... and I am so grateful.

So this is a really long entry, but I just wanted to thank God for working in my heart this summer. I had no doubts, but I find constantly amazed at how much He can do in me.