i don' t know...

January 20 2006
"Written on the body is a secret code only visible in certain lights;
the accumulations of a lifetime gather there.  In places the palimpsest
is so heavily worked that the letters feel like braille.  I like to
keep my body rolled up away from prying eyes.  Never unfold too much,
tell the whole story..."


tonight i got in a really weird mood...i'm not really sure why.  it was
a reflective mood and i just felt like crying.  maybe it's because of
the start of school and everything changing (which i don't really react
well to...) i dunno.  maybe it's because i'm opening myself up too
much.  i'm so scared.  i hate ben for scarring me.  for leaving me with
thoughts of doubt about anything intimate.  i hate myself for putting
myself into that situation.  and i hate the fact that i can't just be
normal when it comes to these things.  i hope my inhibitions don't ruin
the great things that are happening to me.  why, God, why!?

Rachel Pearl

January 20 2006
Don't think too much, Carla!....:( Ask God to take your hurt away and give you trust. It worked for me...., but everyone is different. ASk Steve to be patient with you and give him all you've got (emotionally), that is if you want to.

ami driver

January 21 2006
hey baby.. hope youre doin alright.. boys-- i swear! that was my whole situation. but we'll get together real soon and talk talk talk! love you and hope youre doin ok.. <3