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November 30 2006
Life has thrown me many curve balls these past 6 months.
and i thought i would share a lesson that i have learned.

Taking something for what it is, doesn't neccessarily make you a better person. You want more, and you know it, but you settle. Oh this one is ok... not as nice as the one i really want , but hey its much less expensive. Or it involves less risk. Well it isn't worth it. I've learned that i will never settle for anything ever again. I've never been able to lie to myself. But i am fully capable of lieing to another person, with absolutely close to zero remorse at all. I took life as it was. Took it with a "what the hell... what could i possibley lose from this?".. Well i lost a lot. I lost 6 whole months of my young life. Nothing too catastrophic i must admit, but still time is of the essence.
I dont regret it. I just know that if the situation was to arise again, i would not grab for it.

over time, i realized what i was missing. But the truth is that familiarity is comfortable and safe, and its a hard thing to abandon. However there comes a timme when reality wakes you up to the dull thud of what could be more. See if i sat in this steady flow of life i would never learn anything. I would never grow emotionally or intellectually. Familiarity is a curse and i damn it to hell.. It takes the best of who we are and pushes it back into a daily routine and life outlook. The adventure is out there but it will ppass us by if we are not ready in stance looking for it. It may take years to recognize. but it is there and i will find it.

I beg you all. Live for yourselves. because in the end that is all you will have left. There may come a time when everything else falls away, but you will still be there. You are alive and because you are you must honor that. Be selfish. be horribley selfish. So what if you hurt some one else's feelings. Their feelings are not worth sacrifices to your Self. of course i dont want you to purposely hurt some one else. But when it comes down to you or them you sure as hell better choose yourself.

I'd never die for anyone but me.
The last frontier is only
the stranger in the mirror that i see.

kelsey shearron

November 30 2006
i liked reading your thoughts, but i dont totally agree, living for yourself will never make you happy...i know, iknow, crazy jesus freak... but living out his will for your life is all that i believe brings pure joy ...love you! see you at school tomorrow in the greatest class ever...cough cough...