May 30 2007
I'm having so many emotions right now. I'm really sad because eighth grade and middle school's over for ever. I cryed like all day long. I've felt so stupid all day today. This morning I missed my chance for ever to talk to Joseph. I really hate myself for that right now. I started crying this morning in homeroom, and Austin asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I was like it's just because it's the end of the year, but Carmen told him what was really wrong. That I'm sad that I won't get to see Joseph all summer. (Carmen, if Austin ever calls or e-mails you, you so have to get Joseph's # for me.) Austin was like oh. We tryed to explain to him that I couldn't just go up to him and talk to him because they are popular and I'm not. He was like you're popular too. I was like have you not been alive for the past year. What are you thinking? Then I found out Joseph was checking out early, and I just started crying extremely hard. When he was leaving he patted my back, and now I wish I would have done something or at least tell him bye and have a good summer. I've been all mad at myself the rest of the day now. I talked to Ms. Redden outside. She made me feel really bad, but I know what she was saying was true, and I should try to be more like she said I should be. Today when the bell rang I couldn't help it anymore. I just started bauling. Lane and Charles gave me a hug, which is really weird, but nice I guess. Then I saw Ms. Murrell crying, and I thought I was going to die. Keri and I walked to House Blend, and the whole time we cried and talked about how we are going to miss middle school and we don't want to go to high school. We met Jessica there and talked about how we felt and stuff. Jessica told us not to worry about it right now, but I just can't help it. Carmen got there a little later. After talking a little while I felt better, but I'm still really sad. I felt really stupid at House Blend today because I was rambling on about nothing because I felt so out of my body then. Have you ever just felt so dumb because you say one thing and then try to fix it but just made things worse? Have you ever felt really self-concious because you have to hand out with somebody you doesn't like you, but you don't want to sit by yourself?
Well on a happier note, Kentucky Kingdom was awesome yesterday. I had so much fun. I mostly hung out with Carmen, Keri, and Batey. Austin and Joseph were so HOT. We got Ms. Murrell to ask them if they would ride a ride with us, but they said they were done riding for the day. I think it's because they just can't stand me. Two times yesterday I got embarresed while getting ketchup. The first time I was trying to figure out which basket it was in and I hit my head on the window. The second time was in the restraunt Austin and Joseph were in. Austin said my name, and I got embarressed so I just walked off. I had so much fun yesterday, I can't even remember all the stuff that happened.
I made hip-hop team, but the bad thing is Aleisha did too. That means I have to spend three times for two hours a week with her. I plan on just not even speaking to her unless nessecary.