Road...what road...?

January 31 2006

The road of life I'm supposed to very much gone from me, if it was ever there to begin with.

...Sitting through history class made me realize something.  What is it I speak of?  Our lives have become quite trivial.  I would say useless, but I'm sure there's something there.  I mean, we don't care about making the world a better place anymore, do we?  We're more interested in going on diets to make ourselves thinner than we are about helping children become better people.  We're more worried about how many people we can score with than we are about what we can do to end needless violence. 

Hell, I even go so far as to say that we're more worried about getting into a good place in the afterlife than we are paving the path to such a place; we don't care how we get there, we care about getting there.  Or at least that's the impression some give me, those of the praying-all-the-time-gets-me-into-heaven type.  Bear in mind, I don't deem Christianity bad by any means, there are just some people that don't uphold what it stands for and thus really shouldn't even be considered a part of it.

Do I apply what I say to my own life?  You bet.  I play World of Warcraft and other video games and spend my time with Marissa.  Other than that and studying, I don't do much of anything else.  I don't stand for a cause that I believe makes the world a better place, I don't go and help people in need...  I keep to myself, and I do what I can to better my position status-wise and financially.  Why?  Because in order to live in this society, you have to constantly do things for yourself if you want to eat, go places, and buy your child a Christmas present they deserve.

It's difficult to explain to you what I feel is wrong in America and our modernized society, other than only money talks and doesn't talk to humanitarian efforts.  Well, that, and could I put it...don't care.  I care for Marissa, my family, my friends...but I don't exactly care about the rest of the world...

...It really is difficult to find the words to even begin to convey how I feel right now...  I suppose another way of saying it is, quite simply, life is boring.  Life is boring.  Yeah, I suppose it is a sort of way of saying things...  I really do find life as we know it to be somewhat boring.  We simply exist.  No one cares about doing something that'll be a page of history for everyone to look on, I daresay good or bad.  We live out our lives, we work at a job, we get married, we have kids, we retire, we die.  Does history care about this sort of life?  Is this the kind of stuff people will read about in books and whatnot and say, "Wow?"  Hell no.  So many people live lives like this that it's most definitely not noteworthy in the annals of human civilization.

Will people do anything about this?  Probably not.  I'd be lucky to find someone upon reading this to not call me crazy and say, "Oh, he's got a point," and go back to what they're doing.

...I'll be honest and say I really don't know what can be done about it.  I want people to be motivated, but I couldn't begin to tell you what to do to change things.  I suppose, really, that's something you'll have to decide upon for yourself.

...All I know is that society has become stagnant and pointless.  Perhaps sometime I'll figure this out...

...So, what does this huge long-ass talk have to do with me?  Well, everything, really.  It's an incarnation of how I feel to some degree.  I really haven't the foggiest idea on what I want to do with my life, partly because so many paths are so pointless.  There isn't much of anything that I could get out of college that could make life not so pointless in this view.

I guess, from a nerdy way of saying things, is that I don't want to be just some random NPC.  I want to be the hero, I want to do something I feel is right that will lead to hopefully make the world better, I don't want to just be like, "Oh, well, the inn in town is over there."

And until I find that something I must life will be for naught, frivilous, and dull.