February 12 2007
"peace i leave you. My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." -john 14:27
"the Lord will fight the battle for you. you need only to be still." -exodus 14:14
"as dew never falls on a stormy night, so the dews of His grace never come to the restless soul." -A.B. Simpson
He is faithful and true. all things that happen are a result of His love. there is nothing anyone can do to increase or decrease His love for us or to ever cause Him to break His promises. He has us here for a reason. every place we were at any second of the day- we were there because he wanted us there. if you're searching...get quiet before Him. listen to what He has for you. He has a purpose. He wants to show you that reason.
November 09 2006
From years of observing organized, American Christian subculture, I assumed that being a follower of Christ meant participating in religiously charged political battles such as the fight to keep the 10 Commandments in public places and prayer in schools. When I looked at Jesus, He seemed more concerned with feeding the hungry. I assumed that Christianity was about stewardship campaigns to raise huge sums of cash to build large church buildings for people to attend so they can participate in a class that will teach them the five points to living a â€œbetter life.â€ Jesus said sell everything you have and give your money to the poor. I thought church was about making sure the choir sang well, the budget balanced, the sermons challenged but didnâ€™t offend and always making the annual church hog-roast better than last year. I discovered that Jesus was more interested in defending the weak and marginalized. I could go on, because my box was quite full. As I unpacked the box, and stacked its contents up against the Jesus I rediscovered in scripture, I soon realized that God no longer fit in that box. He was so much more than, and nothing like, the religious ideology I had packaged Him with. And I discovered that I have so much more to learn, un-learn and re-learn about my faith.
I am not condemning political pursuits that seek to preserve the Christian history of our nation. Nor am I opposed to building churches and structures where believers gather for worship. And based upon my fondness for organization, Iâ€™m certainly in favor of a balanced budget in my church. Yet, as I stripped my faith down to its very core, I discovered significant differences in what was important to me compared to what was important to Jesus. But most disturbingly, I saw a vast difference between how He lived out His message compared to how I was living His message.
So Iâ€™m on a quest; a quest to unlearn my misconceptions about what being a follower of Jesus looks like; a quest to relearn everything I can about what and who Jesus cared about; and a quest to learn what was important to Him and what wasnâ€™t. I no longer believe we are called to live a â€œreligiousâ€ life. But rather, as followers of Jesus, I believe we are compelled to live a life that reflects the passions that were evident in His life, even if those passions donâ€™t always align with the passions of organized religion. And what Iâ€™ve learned so far has convinced me that this journey has and will continue to change the way I think about my faith, and ultimately, how I live in response to the life of Jesus. Although I donâ€™t know how Godâ€™s presence in my life will finally look at the end of this journey, I do know one thing: Heâ€™s not going to fit in my box anymore.
October 01 2006
September 19 2006
i have to say something. it won't be a long something because it's way to pretty outside to be ranting on stupid phusebox. and before i say it, let me make it known that it has nothing to do with anything or anyone it may sound like it has to do with...not directly anyway.
all my life i've heard that guys should pursue girls. girls should sit and wait for the man that God has ordained for them. it is their responsibility and privilege to be the leader in a relationship. but let me say this- that leadership does not end when the relationship begins. that pursuit does not end when you get the girl. if you love her or at least have extremely strong feelings for her, that responsibility to make sure she knows she is cared for is yours for however long you are with her. maybe it's a risk because you don't know what will happen ultimately but you do know if you have those feelings for someone, and it is wrong and completely idiotic to disregard that position. it is wrong to sit on your butt and keep on doing whatever it is your doing if things are not right between you and her. it is your job to treasure her and recognize the love you have for her and get over her "emotions" and "drama" and GO GET HER and if you didn't learn that from your father then learn it now. it's going to save you a hell of a lot of heartache in the end.
August 31 2006
it's 12:49. i'm working my scholarhship hours in the cope until like 2:30. everyone has left the room. there are crickets chirping. where did the crickets come from? i have no clue. i popped some popcorn. i wonder if they'd like any...i have to go to lab at 3:30...so that means a whole hour of nothing to do. oh lord...i just flipped back in my chair...
man...i figure the majority of the people who see my posts are in AO and i hope the majority of those people went last night. the word was awesome. sometimes, i just get so excited about God and what He's doing and ironically, i get excited about the fact that i have no idea what is about to happen 99% of the time...sometimes i just can't hold it in you know? i get giggly about it. you know that feeling when you start to like someone and every little thing they do is just awesome and you go around smiling and thinking of something they said to you? i've been that way lately about God. these last few nights, it's felt so good outside. i drive home way out in the country and the further i get from civilization, the better i can see the stars. sometimes it's just so overwhelming that i have to turn my music down and drive way under the speed limit so that i can take it in. and every time, i just get this picture of God smiling kind of smuggly and saying "okay girl...now tell me what boy can give you this? what accomplishment can make you feel like this?" and i smile and shake my head because there is no one and nothing else that can. He wants to have intimacy with ME. and half the time i'm so apathetic to it. but honestly, people go their entire lives searching to be loved...even just a little. shannon baron told me one time that she gets this picture of God spinning around in a swivel chair just thinking about us and going nuts...i mean like waving his arms and jumping up and down and just yelling "I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU!" everyday, He finds ways to show that to me. and it's in ways that He knows mean the most to me. it's not just a generalized whatever- it's very personal. jerill said something last night about God giving us our own name that's just between you and Him. how cool is that? how awesome is it that He knows our hearts so well and He finds ways to love on us and knows exactly what we go weak in the knees for?
July 06 2006
my kindergarteners drove me nuts today....again.
with kids, you have to tell them 3 or 4...heck a million times to do something. and even then, they still may not do it. but you have to keep after them or else they don't learn and nothing gets done.
it was about mid-morning and my nerves were almost shot as i told caleb for the hundreth time to stay in line. then i blurted out- "CALEB! when i tell you to do something, it's for a reason! it's not to boss you around or be mean- it's because it's for your own good!"
as he got back in the line (for about 5 seconds) I thought about what I had said. I felt absolutely frustrated with this kid- I couldn't have fun with him or talk to him because I had to constantly make sure he wasn't hurting himself.
then I got really sad at the thought that that's how God must feel about us sometimes. He wants to have a deeper relationship with us and show us awesome things prepared uniquely for us. but all too often, we're off doing our own thing and not giving any attention to His voice until we get ourselves in trouble.
the good news is that His grace is beyond comprehension. it's new every morning....every minute. He never gives up on us. and unlike me who loses my patience all too often, He doesn't. definitely something we all take for granted but should be doing cartwheels about!
"Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3 now that you have tasted that the Lord is good" 1 Peter 2:2-3
July 01 2006
what happened to my account you ask? well i'm glad you asked. i wasn't using it so i decided to get rid of it. i couldn't figure out how to shut it down though so i just unsubscribed to all my friends. a few months went by and i started feeling out of the loop. so that's why i'm back- so i can read about everyone else's lives when i'm bored with mine. and maybe to post my own thoughts from time to time :)
October 20 2005
"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!"