well today was one of those days, but you know, it is something i am getting used to. i did, however, draw today. and that was a nice therapy time for me. and thankfully i will be going to the leadership retreat tomorrow. which shall be fun. cari is going, so i KNOW that it will be great fun!



so, i made a new friend tonight. his name is sporky.


he's a pretty cool alien. he sure likes to talk on his cell phone though. and in this picture it appears that we have a lot in common, but i was merely trying to be cool....and i am just not as cool as an inch tall green alien named sporky. oh well....

but tonight was pretty good. i talked to two wonderful women, amy and jennifer. thanks guys! you helped a lot!

i would also like to give up a praise shout (haha) to God who is helping me not believe the lies i have believed for so long, find healing, and know that despite the horrible past few weeks i have had that there is hope in the darkness and brokeness. he is faithful and he does have a purpose for it all. and for all of you who have been crying your eyes out, been up all night with thoughts flooding your mind, with lies from worthlessness to thinking you are alone, thinking life just can't get any worse, there is hope in Jesus. you are indeed worth everything that He endured on that cross. and He loves you dearly, with an everlasting love. nothing can separate you from Him. you are His.

and it will be a constant choice to push negative, satan lies away. but with God you can do it. it will take time, and be difficult, but it will be okay and definitely worth it.

so yeah, i am going to go spend time with God and hopefully get some rest. i hope everyone has a great night!

what does it take to live passionately? maybe for you it starts by reading some awesome devotional. maybe it is spending some intimate time with God- discovering who He is and who He created you to be. mabye it is through ministry. maybe it is by telling others about His love. maybe is it just resting in His presence. but living passionately for the Lord ultimately results in abandoning your old life and taking hold of the life God has for you. this means handing over every area of your life to God.

i read this today in my utmost for his highest:
"we will never know the joy of self-sacrifice until we surrender in every detail of our lives...as soon as we do totally surrender; abandoning ourselves to Jesus, the Holy Spirit gives us a taste of His joy...have i ever yeilded myself in absolute submission of Jesus Christ? if he is not the One to whom i am looking for direction and guidance, then there is no benefit in my sacrifice. but when my sacrifice is made with my eyes focused on Him, slowly but surely His molding influence becomes evident in my life."

total abandonment of our lives. allowing God to enter and reign over every aspect of your life.think about the people who influenced you the most. are they not passionate about their God? it is not some big act that they put on, it is merely that they are passionately in love with their Savior. so in love that they sacrifice their lives, their dreams, and their own written stories to Him, the One who made the greatest sacrifice for them. passion is a deep, unhindered love. let your passion for God flow from you. allow others to see what God can really do.

God rocks my little rachael socks right off. He is awesome. i hope everyone has a great day!

who would of thought i'd be so excited to go back to work?! today i started back at world outreach nursery. i was gone for a year working at special kids. God had blessed me so much with this job! i walked in and my boss asked if i could for sure work wednesday mornings, and then she kept asking me about other days! so i will be working tuesday nights, maybe tuesday mornings if they start a class, wedneday mornings, and saturday nights. along with any days i can sub. so whoo hoo! i love that God is sovereign and provides for all of our needs. and i loved seeing all the people i used to work with! they are great. and i was blown away by how big the children have gotten. some of the parents even remembered me! that made me feel special. i always enjoyed working there. it is great!

but elizabeth cut and dyed my hair last night. i put up some pictures... and i think it is definitely model material. haha jk jk. thanks elizabeth!

i am still just sitting here in awe of God's faithfulness to me in ALL areas of my life. He provideds. He loves. He is pretty cool!

i am hungry. speaking of food and hunger...i always like WOC becasuse i could eat nilla wafers and other yummy treats. haha yesssss! anyway, hope everyone has a great day!

oh oh! and i decided that kids named eli are great. all of them.

"Whenever anything begins to disintergrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once, asking Him to re-establish your rest. Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight agaisnt, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of HImself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all." -Oswald Chambers

and another one...

"A child of God never prays to be made aware of the fact that God answers prayer, because he is so restfully certain that God always answers prayer." -Oswald Chambers

when i was reading these the verse that came to mind was definitely, 1 timothy 6:12. "Fight the good fight of faith". daily we have to fight against the things that try to pull us down. hold on to faith. fight for it. let God be the center of your life. let Him develop your faith. know that He is indeed faithful, so your faith may be unwavering.

praise God for that little reminder in my life. i hope everyone has a great night!

tonight i went up to nashville to see my family. we went to eat at johnny rockets. it was my first time there and it was pretty good. i think my fun was merely in taking pictures and attempting to take a picture of some hippie couple behind us. which by the way, i failed at because i think they noticed. bad idea.

i found out that my other cousin is engaged now. so now all my cousins in the jackson family are engaged or married. fabulous.

overall, today was one of those rare "faking it" days for me. i smiled and went through my day. but if someone would of looked a little deeper they would see my eyes were a little more red than usual and i had an ache in my heart. but praise God even in bad times, i know good times will come soon.

and may i rant for a moment...girls please don't fall into the trap that some families set up for you. the trap that your worth comes from having a guy in your life. you are important and valuable whether or not you are in a relationship. don't let them bring you down. remember that your worth comes from a relationship, but not with some boyfriend, it comes from a relationship with Jesus.

that made me feel a little better. a little. there is always hope in every situation. God is good. i hope everyone has a great night!

i am one tired cookie. i bet you didn't know i was a cookie, did you? and yes, i do like to eat my own kind...

er, i mean, ummmm....

anyway, hillsong played tonight at rocket town. a group of us went up there. luckily, i was able to eat at sbarro, which was all fun until amy and i got left there. oh yeah. true story. left and forgotten by our friends. tis tis. we had to walk all the way back to rocket town by ourselves at night. but we managed.


hillsong put on a great show!




i was a lot closer than this...check out the picture in the photo box kids. but yeah, we just go back because we had to take some guy from tulsa to his hotel. on the way back nathan made us do some riddle. it drove me crazy. i can get impatient with those, especially when i am tired. but i want to go to bed. i hope everyone has a great night!

well, i guess sometimes you don't realize the extend of how important things are in your life until they are gone. i have an aching in my heart to be able to play, laugh with, and help my lil loves. i was looking through a few pictures of them and i just cried and a smile came across my face a couple of times remembering the fun times. being firemen, birthdays, and of course all the fun times with my little "boyfriend". i would tell him i was going to eat his pudding (man that kid loved pudding!) and he would just laugh. i remember the first time i heard him laugh. that made my day. his giggle was something special. i just laugh thinking about it. i was laughing so hard that day, i was crying. his face would light up when he saw me. i never got tired of the little arms that would wrap around me when i came in. i loved being their friend. if that meant playing dress up, building with blocks, sitting next to them, making a band, having an art show, dancing, acting silly, listening to their BIG adventures or maybe even participating in them, or just helping them... man, i miss those kids. but i know God is in control. and everything will be okay and He will help me. it is all for His glory. so i am going to get ready and go search for another job now. i hope everyone has a great day and remember that no matter what happens, good or bad, God is in control...trust Him in every situation.

ahhh i just stood out in the rain. i just stood their laughing. it was fun! and my dog came out with me too. it was great! i love the rain. and even more than that i love the joy God put in my heart despite current cirumstances.

i think bethany dillon said it best in her song, beautiful:

"i want to be beautiful
and make you stand in awe
look inside my heart
and be amazed
i want to hear you say
who i am is quite enough
i just want to be worthy of love
and beautiful"

yeah, that pretty much describes it. a longing deep inside me and most girls. too many times we search for approval of our beauty in the world. and many times our definitions for beauty are set by the world's standards. in growing closer to my Creator and reading 'captivating', i am learning about beauty. "every woman has a beauty to unveil. because she bears the image of God...beauty is an essence that is given to EVERY woman at her creation ." how awesome is that?! that quote would be from captivating, but the bible is full of God little messages to us as well.

"show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely" -songs of songs 2:14

"you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes" -songs of songs 4:9

"the King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for he is your Lord" -psalm 45:11

God loves us and finds us captivating. He thinks we beautiful beyond compare. you are, indeed, loved and pursued by the Creator of the Universe. and when you begin to draw close to him, seeking after His heart, he will unveil your beauty. "true beauty comes from the inner parts of us. our hearts". God will illuminate your heart with joy, compassion, and love. your beauty will show through. a great verse for this is, "they looked to him and were RADIENT", go to him with your longing and question of beauty. He is the greatest lover, and the One who whispers the things you long to hear.

that is just something God has been laying on my heart. you are beautiful, you are loved. always remember that. i hope everyone has a fantastic day!

goodness i am tired. i worked from 7:30-5:30. l-o-n-g day. but thankfully, after about 2 weeks of not being able to, i was able to hang out with some of my friends! yay for applebee's, the park, great people, and great music. yay for summer nights and moments when you feel infinite. oh oh and i got to hang out with my maddie!!! i am so happy to hang out with her again!

some highlights of MY night:
-getting in a boat and going to never never
land
-allowing others to hear great music such as:
{something corporate
andy davis
alexi murdoch
coldplay (till kingdom come!)}
-being an airplane
-wearing a fun belt
-listening to praise music at the park, knowing
God is all around us
-knowing my tears will one day be wiped from
my face.
-and kowing that my God finds me captivating,
and tells me through all kinds of things...when i
need to hear it most, when i need to know i
matter, when know one else seems to
understand, when i am being a silly girl-full of
emotions and inner turmoil, when i feel like i
can't do anything right, when i feel alone, the
God of the universe wants me. He tells me the
things i long to hear.


so yeah, pretty cool night. yeah, it may not be cafe lalo, or new york city (jk jk), but it was fun.

i hope everyone has a great night!

i sure like that edit button...

sometimes i feel so misunderstood. all day i have felt confused and stressed. and all i wanted was someone to understand and tell me it was okay. sometimes i just feel like i can't do one thing right-- bascially this entire week with certain situations. i feel like all i do is upset people. satan is for real kicking me down right now, making me feel like junk.

anyway, i met up with becca tonight at milano's. i am so sad she is leaving sunday! but i know God has big plans for her. and it hit me that it is august, which means my amber is leaving next month. but, i know, with that God has huge plans for her as well. but i will be sad when they go.

but i think i am gonna get out of the house now that my car is fixed. i can't sit and think too long about all the thoughts filling my head. if anyone wants to do something give me a call...i'll just be driving. i hope everyone has a great night!


*edit* thank you for your prayers and encouraging comments! i feel a lot better. God just continues to remind me that all of this has a purpose. and most importantly i am loved and desired by Him, the Creator of the universe. wow. hope everyone has a great night!

long, i know, but read on...

whew. thank goodness i am finally home. yeah, so i was supposed to be home yesterday afternoon. but let me tell you why i just got home this morning...

to get to delaware there are a couple connecting flights. you have to fly into philly, then into this small town in maryland. so after our short flight, with no problems from maryland, we arrived in philly. we went to our gate and waited for the flight before ours to leave. well, their flight got delayed due to maintance. our flight was scheduled to leave at 2:15. it was like 1 something, so it seemed we would only PERHAPS be leaving a little late, if at all. so this maintance turned into a tire change. so they said as soon as they boarded those people we could get on our flight. so finally, about 40 minutes after our scheduled departure time we got on the plane. so we got up to the runway, and apparently it was backed up.



photo from rachael

and the guy said we were like number 40 something...the wait: 45 minutes to an hour. okay, kinda stressful, but not too bad. so there were some kids behind me...they were loud and kept hitting my chair. but i stayed patient and did not say a word. well, during this wait, it began to rain. so then they tell us they don't know when we would be able to leave. so bascially, to make this long, annoying story short, we sat on the runway for 6 HOURS!!! then, we were told our flight was going to get re-routed..but we had to get more fuel first. yeah right. liars!!! they took us back to the terminal, told us to grab our stuff, got us inside then told us our flight was cancelled. okay, so after 6 hours, annoying kids, and a migraine, i was still not home and stuck in philly until the morning. we had to sleep in the airport. okay, so we STAYED in the airport, no sleep involved. it was freezing and they were eventually, at like 2am nice enough to bring us pillows and these space blankets, which were seriously a peice of silver plastic.



photo from rachael

and when people were wrapped up in them , trying to find warmth, they looked like aliens or baked potatoes. BUT i am home now. and praise God, because i learned patience like no other.

so because of being up for over 24 hours, i am going to sleep. i hope everyone has a great day, especially my friends that are luckeee enough to go to 722. you better be thinking of me when you see louie!!!

And in addition to my previous post, I wanted to share what God just showed me. To be honest, I have felt very alone during this trip, causing me to be sad and allowed for satan to tamper with my insecurity. Thus making me question others love for me and long for it. I just sat on my bed crying to God. And asked Him to let me feel love. And then He showed me this verse: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you in with loving-kindness. I will build you up again." -Jeremiah 31:3&4.This just made me smile and cry even harder, but with joy. Even when I feel alone, I never am. And just because I am a christian does not mean I won't feel alone or be sad, because I will. And this does not mean I can't question whether or not I am loved...that of course comes ten times as much being an insecure girl, which God is working on by the way. Anyway, God is good. And He loves us all that way, always has and always will. Praise God! He is so awesome!

I am leaving tomorrow! yay! so maybe I will see some of you! I hope everyone has a great night!

"Have you been wondering why you are going through certain circumstances? In fact, it is not that you have to go through them. It is because of your relationship with the Son of God who comes through the providential will of His Father, into your life. You must allow Him to have His way with you staying in perfect oneness with Him." Oswald Chambers

"Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come , he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you'." -Isaiah 35:3-4

Praise God even when you are going through trials. Everything little thing, good or bad, can and will be used for His glory. Even if you can encourage one person, then it is all worth it. Remember God's many promises. He will deliver you and save you. He will give you strength and courage. And ALWAYS remember He is with you.

I hope everone has a great day! i miss all of you back in the boro and a special person who is only 3 hours from here!

so here i sit. bored and dying to escape. there are soooo many people...and i only know a few. so picture it: a lot of italians, notherners, loud talkers, and a bunch of people drinking. yeah, that pretty much sums it up. BUT! i am going to have a positve attitude, because God can always use me! i just got to let his light shine through me! yay for God!

God has blessed me though. i was very discouraged from all the weird looks i was getting from family members when i was talking about what i want to do in the near future. silence and side glances was all i was getting on the subject all day. so as i was walking inside, extremely discouraged, i prayed for God to help me and remind me that i must let his light shine. then i sat down at the table and started talking to my 3rd cousin (haha that whole family thing is funny) anywho, she wanted to hear about my plans. so i told her and she was so excited. she felt a joy in her heart and told me i inspired her. God spoke through me to her! it was great! and that also encouraged me and helped me realize my passions. God is so good. and so as i type this i feel God telling me, 'child don't waste your time in here, God spread my light, joy, love, and hope.' yep, so i bid you goodbye all my faithful phuesbox readers. pray for me, this is hard. and for other issues that satan is throwing at me-my insecurity! blah on satan!!! haha. have a great night!!!

whew. yesterday was crazy! so after my parents got off from work, we went to the airport. our flight left at 4pm, and we were pushing it leaving at 2:30. when we got there the long term parking lot was full. so we had to drive around the circle thing, back around to the economy lot. which was extremely full as well. so then we had to wait for a shuttle for about 10 minutes. we finally got in the airport...we tried to do the electronic thing, but because we were there 20 MINUTES before our flight was going to leave we were unable to. so the lady behind the desk said we would not make our flight and was being sooo rude! but after her being so slow we got our bording passes. then of course the security line was long. after that we had to RUN! our gate was at the very end of the hall...it was straight out of a movie. the plane had already begun to pull away. i just sat on the floor, expecting to have to wait until a later flight, then the lady asked if there was anyone left. so then, she says "the last three passengers have arrived". so we had to run OUT to the plane. everyone was waiting on us. it was crazy! and it did not stop there. when we got to D.C the were calling for me over the intercom. apparently i dropped my id. it was insane. then flew to philly, then to maryland. where my grandparents picked us up, to drive 30 minutes to delaware. and that was even a crazy trip with my pop-pop driving!!! whew. i am glad to be able to relax a bit. which won't be much, we have a big party tonight, then my aunt's wedding tomorrow.

but i miss all my wonderful friends! i feel like i haven't seen you guys in forever because of being gone to NY and now here. but you guys can call me, it won't be a problem, TRUST ME! i hope everyone has a great day!!!

"What God calls us to cannot be definitely stated because His call is simply to be His friend to accomplish His own purposes. Our real test is in truly believeing that God knows what He desires. The things that happen do not happen by chance- they happen entirely by the decree of God. God IS sovereignly working out his own purposes. If we are in fellowship and oneness with God and recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, then we will no longer strive to find out what His purposes are." -Oswald Chambers
that is awesome! God is teaching me to trust and wait for Him. He will lead me where I need to go in the right time.

i just got home a little while ago. it was a great trip! i was the photographer for the week at paint the town. i enjoyed doing that sooo much! everyone worked very hard and did a great job! especially the belle aire group that definitely "prayed" a lot in the prayer room! i enjoyed spending time with the moore family. they treated me so kindly. God showed up there in huge ways. it was amazing to take pictures of all of the students worshiping our God and serving Him.

and the highlight of my week:


photo from rachael

first date with nathan! it was amazing! best date i have ever had! God has been so faithful! this story has been one long in the making. a lot of waiting and trusting God. nathan and i talked about our stories of God working in our lives to bring us to this point. God IS FAITHFUL! This story is so amazing and only could be written by our Creator. Praise God for His faithfulness and may all this bring glory to Him! nathan's post on our date was great, so you should go check it out along with the MANY pictures he took. but i do want to say that he treated me like a princess. we got picked up from his apartment, went to a fancy italian restaurant, then to a great little cafe, then to the brooklyn bridge with the beautiful city as the backdrop. just like a movie. he is amazing!!!

but i didn't get a lot of sleep on the trip, so i am going to bed. tomorrow is my only day of rest until next week sometime. i have to work wednesday, then i am leaving to go to delware thursday. busy busy. i hope everyone has a great night!

ah last night was fun! amber and i got frosties and watched 'sleepless in seattle". great movie! and then we took pictures... if you don't know yet, amber is a walrus:



photo from rachael

fun times. [don't hate me lil ambeth!] then i got a really exciting phone call! my maddie called me!!! ahhhhh i haven't seen her since may and i was all spastic and stuff! it was great! so we met up at marble slab! oh, and about the spastic part, well, you see, i am getting help for this small problem. a child at my work and i have offically made a group. SAMA. spastic arm movers anonymous. my first excuse, well i am italian...it is in my blood to move my arms about....but i am rachael, i have a problem.

okay, so i am a bit tired. can you tell? i am leaving shortly to go to NYC with the moore family! i am really excited! i get to see maria, ellie, ashley, some new people that i am sure are really awesome, and also some person named nathan. you may know him. i am excited to get up there and see all the stuff God is doing through the NHNY and TLJ people. they have been working very hard, and i know that it will be great! i hope all of you going up there remember to keep a flexible spirit. remember you are doing this for God and for the students and faculty attending those schools. draw close to God and remember to have an undivided heart for Him. and to everyone staying here, please keep us in your prayers. and seek ways to serve God here. there are always people in need. as Christians, we NEED to show God's love in practical ways. i hope everyone has a great week!

The Soundtrack of My Life
- Opening Credits:”Speed of Sound” by Coldplay
- Waking-Up scene: “I Want to Save You”, “I Woke up in Car” by Something Corporate or “Take Cover” by Acceptance, or maybe even “Perfect Time of Day” by Howie Day...I dunno...
- Average Day scene: “Everything’s Right” by Matt Wertz
- Falling In Love scene: “$8 Movie” by Rob Blackledge
- Love Scene: “Bigger Than Us” by Andy Davis
- Fight With a Friend scene: “Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet?” by Relient K
- Break-Up/Post Break-Up scene: “The Brilliant Dance” by Dashboard Confessional
- Lonely scene: “Screaming Infidelities” by Dashboard Confessional
- Get Back Together scene: “Till Kingdom Come” by Coldplay
- Fight scene: “Selfless, Cold, and Composed” by Ben Folds Five
- Wandering Around Randomly scene: “Vienna” by Billy Joel
- Heartbreak scene: “Hurts To Watch” by Andy Davis
- Mental Breakdown scene: “Same Problem” by Waking Ashland
- Driving scene: “Skyline Drive” by Mae
- a scene that would ONLY happen if i was MARRIED: “Colorblind” by The Counting Crows
- Dream sequence: “Let Go” by Frou Frou
- Party scene: “Sell Out” by Reel Big Fish
- Happy Dance scene: “Dance in the River”!!!!!!!!!!!
- Regret scene: “Come Let Us Return to the Lord”
- Long Night Alone scene: “Hear You Me” by Jimmy Eat World
- Closing credits: “Orange Sky” Alexi Murdoch

God sweeps me off my feet, takes my breath away, he makes my heart skip a beat. God is so amazing! he is my favorite author, he writes the perfect stories in each of our lives. i love to see one start to unfold in my life and others around me. i just sit here speachless because of my Perfect, Holy, and Sovereign Lord. i love even though i feel lost, confused, hurt, insecure, bitter, and other emotions, that i have HOPE- that my God is holding me close to his heart. and this story he is writing, is more perfect and wonderful than i can ever imagine!

and to amy bonin and amber, one day we will look back and remember our conversation right there in the church parking lot! i love you guys and can't wait to hear the stories! what a testimony we all will have!!!

i hope everyone has a great night!