Sometimes I really just don't know what God's doing with my life.  It seems friends come and friends go.  After my dad's death, things just don't shine like they used to shine.  I'm kind of in a rush, but I needed to vent that simple thought out.  I will one day look back and realize why things worked out the way they did, but until then I'm in the dark.  I get jealous over the dumbest things lately.  Mainly people who seem genuinely happy.  I've got joy, yes.  Everyday I wake up and find joy in the Lord, but I'm hardly happy.  I get so lonely sometimes and I think it's God's way of keeping me too attached to this world.  Why, though?  Others don't experience the same pain and they're Christians.  I'm so self-centered sometimes.  I hate it.  I should be happy for the things God's given me.  I am, and I need to focus on that.