It\'s Just You And Me.

June 24, 2005I feel so utterly stupid.

I feel ugly.

I feel like a failure.

I hate being so emotional. I ask my dad to take me into town to Sarah\'s so I could hang out with her and he says no. Of course I feel very stupid and I feel like crying. I always do that. Each time my parents say I can\'t do something or they scold me I always end up getting angry or wanting to cry. I\'m so pathetic.

I mean I haven\'t been out of the house since last week. All I want to do is be able to hangout with my friends and have a good time. All we were gonna do was probably lay out and then go to the car show.

I hate letting people step all over me. I always let people make fun of me and I do nothing about it. I am so effin emo. I\'m tired of feeling like this. I\'m tired of being bored. Every day is rountine. For once I try to break out of that rountine, it gets shot down. Gah.

Sorry for such a whiny post.

I Deserve This.

June 22, 2005I feel like an awful girlfriend.

I need a hug.

\'So here we are again
Same old arguement
And now I\'m wondering
If things will ever change\'

Just Pull The Trigger, Must I Beg?

June 20, 2005Okay, pretty sure I want to flippin shoot someone. I fucking hate being jealous but I fucking hate it when people piss me off.

I started out freshman year hardly knowing anyone in my choir class very well. But soon me and Sarah became friends. We always IMed each other right when we signed on and we always hung out. I\'d go to her house and we\'d hangout. We were best friends.

Now here we are, freshman year has ended and we don\'t even talk. I fucking hate her sometimes. We stopped talking about two months ago maybe. She says I\'m too dramatic and she\'s trying to stay away from drama. EXCUSE ME! She\'s the one who fucking cut herself to feel the pain because \'she likes pain.\' So much fucking bullshit!

I am a very jealous person and she knows that. But she has claimed Sean, MY boyfriend, as her new \'best friend.\' It pisses me off. I know she claims not to have real \'best friends,\' but it pisses me off that she IMs me and tells me all this funny stuff Sean says. I DON\'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR ABOUT IT! If he is her best friend, then what the fuck ever. She tries to have a good girl persona but she isn\'t! She talks about going to church and realizing that she\'s not living a good life but she still continues to do stupid shit! Gah I want to fucking scream!

I know this may sound harsh, but I wish Sean wouldn\'t talk to her. Me being jealous, I tend to follow comments and the such on people\'s Xangas. I read all the comments she leaves him and the ones he leaves her. It kills me inside to see him say \'Love ya\' or \'Hey babe.\' I know they\'re \'friends.\' But I want to be the only one he says he loves. I know I am selfish and I\'m being a big whiny emo baby about this but I just wish I still had that friendship with her that we used to have and I want my boyfriend to know that I find it weird that they\'re so close.

Okay that was a major venting post. If I offended anyone I\'m sorry, but get over it because those are my feelings.

Ciao <3

Used the word, or a form of the word, \'fuck\' seven times. Bleh.

Mrph.

June 19, 2005This is going to sound weird but, I really never want to end up like my sister. Since she started high school in 1999, she\'s lost atleast six friends that I can recall. That\'s aleast one a year and I know there is more. I don\'t think I could ever deal with all that. It seems really stressful. I just hope I don\'t have to go through that. Mrph.

I guess this post was kinda random. I\'ll update when I get home.

Ciao <3

Destory Us All!

June 17, 2005Don\'t ask about the title. I\'m addicted to watching Cartoon Network and right now I\'m watching the Grim Adventures of Billy And Mandy. <3

Well I leave today for Elizabethton. (The city in East TN where I grew up) My mom is dragging me and my sister back there so we can sort through my great grandma\'s stuff with my uncle and his family then decide what we want. Good thing is, I get to see my cousins. That\'ll be cool. It\'s just weird though. My uncle and aunt are kinda strict people to their kids and I never liked it. I have a lot of memories of my uncle yelling at my cousins. Given, my oldest cousin, Amanda (14), had ADD and was really really hyper sometimes. But I haven\'t seen in her in almost three years and my mom says she\'s alot more down to Earth now.

I just find it weird that my cousins are very different from my sister and me. They both have attended private school most of their lives. They are very religious and very well mannered. My sister and I, on the other hand, attended public school, we both cuss like sailors, she smokes, I\'ve got a criminal record, and we\'re no where near that religious. I\'m just really anxious to see how we are all gonna get along. I think it\'ll be fun though. My other cousin, Katie (11... I think), is a real firecracker and she\'s so sweet. I hope I can last this weekend without introducing fully to my bad attitude. Heh. This will be fun.

Well this was a long entry it seems. I\'ll update when I come back probably.

Ciao <3