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Nick Hawkins

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January 03, 2008

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Music, Politics, Acting, Fashion, iPod, Psycology, I'm Atheist, Tv, Movies, Organization, Cleaning (I'm a freak), Talking, Thinking, Debating, Dreaming, Making Mixes, Dropping it like its hot, Cultures, Board Games, Halo, Coffee, Tea, Food, Laughing, Not taking myself or anyone around me seriously.


Rilo Kiley, Tegan and Sara, Deathcab for Cutie, John Vanderslice, M.I.A, Sufjan Stevens, Ben Kweller, Regina Spektor, LCD Soundsystem, Eisley, The Postal Service, Cursive, Bloc Party, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Kings of Convenience, Dashboard Confessional, Jem, Hello Goodbye, Damien Rice, Coldplay, Norah Jones, The Strokes, The Shins, Taking Back Sunday, Brand New, System of a Down, Radiohead, A Perfect Circle, Missy Elliot, Jack Johnson, Interpol, Cake, The Rapture, The Gorillaz, Lali Puna, Metric, Madonna, Techno, Etc...


Garden State, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Donnie Darko, Kill Bill 1 and 2, All Harry Potters, Benny & Joon, Edward Scissorhands, Chicago, Minority Report, Fahrenheit 9/11, Monster, Saved, Elephant, Bowling for Columbine, and most documentaries.


The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Harry Potter, It, New Rules, 1984, Fahrenheit 451, A Raisin in the Sun, A Lesson Before Dying

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Here we go again...

Damn, I just can\'t stop posting...

So today, after announcements this weird tribal movie just appeared on the TV. It was called \"The Gods Must Have Gone Crazy\" It was soooo werid. Like it just came on for no apparent reason. Our class watched the beginning and Ms. Salty\'s class watched the whole thing. It was about some african tribe that is united and then they find a coke bottle that was dropped form an airplane and it destroys their tribal unity. Strange. Mrs. Knox was friggin obsessed with it.

So yea, I wonder how much money Kanye West and that movie \"Jarhead\" have made. It seems like everywhere I go I see a preview for Jarhead accompanied by the song \"Jesus Walks\" Bleh, Kinda makes me sick that I cant do anything without seeing that commercial.

Parents are going to Mississippii. Leaving tomorrow morning, coming back late Sunday night. I\'ll try not to get into too much trouble. Although, today I found out that more people than I thought already knew that....weird.

So yea, not sure who watched \"The Apprentice\" tonight. But it was jacked up. The part I saw had Trump in the boardroom talking about sex.  Talking about homosexuality and how thats why restuarants have menus so people can choose what they like. Yea, really intelluctual there Mr. Trump. And he was being semi-mean to this Jewish guy about how he hasn\'t had sex and that he hopes he has a lot of sex when he\'s older because \"its great\" and that trump himself has had a lot of sex and it got him into trouble. And he was calling people anti-semetic. What the hell is wrong with this guy??!!?

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Last weekend...

So yea, the events over what happened last night over-shadowed my amazing weekend.

Friday night, I went to the Deathcab for Cutie show.

Stars opened for them. They were really good. I enjoyed it a lot.


Mhm. The girl reminds me of Karen O. of the yeah yeah yeahs.  But we all know that Karen O.  wins.


I bought their CD.

Then it was time for Deathcab for Cutie.


Wow. They were so amazing. All of you who said they aren\'t that good live are bastards. It was such a signifcant moment for me, being there and seeing them live.


I wish I would have talked to the people around me more. But I had plenty of fun with Maegan.



I only wish that they would have played \"Gwenevere\" (sp). My favorite Deathcab song. *sighs*. But every song they did play was just about perfect. I was like one of the only people singing and getting into it. But it was a pretty mellow concert. Maegan wore a nifty hat...


I love and adore this picture.


They said they\'re coming back soon....

Then Saturday was my Halloween partay!!! I had sooo much fun. Everything went really well and it was all worth it. I loved having my friends there. The group that came really seemed to fit well together, well for the most part, heh. I had most of my closest friends there. And I liked it that way.


Maegan was a raver...and this is one of my all time favorite pictures.


Anna has amazing eyes...Well...amazing colored contacts.


Heather was dressed all sexy.


And Anna was dressed as an....asian. \"\"


So yeah. Party consisted of Eating, playing an intense screaming game of Pit, then some good ole fashioned Apples to Apples. Then....EXTREME FOUR_SQUARE. Yeah I know. A real sophisticated party. But I enjoyed it. Claire was by far the best player, haha.

So yeah. Then some days went by. Now for randomness


Check out those earmuffs. They\'re technically called \"180\'s\", but whatever. I am obsessed with them. I wore them during school.


I have no clue why I look completely stoned in that picture. And I\'m not being sarcastic.

So yeah, Monday was halloween. I think. Anyways, My family come over to my house and I took my nephews trick-or-treating.


SDJFHAS;YRO;SDS;HDT!!! Thats the cutests little baby in the whole entire world!!!! Gah, it kills me.

So I didn\'t dress up. But I could have been a soccer mom, I had a track jacket, a short \"trendy soccer mom\" hair cut, hah. And I flashlight. I also caught myself saying things like \"What out for that car\" when its 10 miles away.  and \"Be careful, its dark\" hah. I\'m a dork.  While trick-or-treating, I met up with Claire and her brother Jay, not Jake, Jay is his name. It was nice.

So I leave you with the most adorable thing you will ever see.


My little baby nephew James dressed as a tiny giraffe.

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Raindrops keep fallin\' on my head...

This has quickly become one of the worst weeks I have ever had. Ah, I\'m just so utterly pissed off and lost and comletely out of touch with reality and my priorities aren\'t straight at all and I dont know what I want and I feel like everything is crashing down and I feel like everything I\'m around is a comlpete charade and I\'m just so stressed and depressed.

Three zeros in AP U.S. History.

Two zeros and a 67 in Espanol Tres

I used to be such a good student. And now look what I\'ve become. There so much stress and crap going on in my life that the only time I have to myself I spend indulging myself, finding some way to maintain happiness for a brief moment in time. 

 It seems like everytime things start looking up again, you look up, and it falls right on your face. My family has been getting along great lately. With the exception that My dad and I haven\'t talked for four and a half weeks. Doug has been so nice and my mom has been....are you ready.....happy. And in turn, doug has been happy. And you know what that made me...happy. And then all of this school stuff came crashing down and I have reports and projects and tests and essay and zeros and my family doesn\'t stress grades with me. SO its just myself putting pressure on myself. You are your own worst enemy they say. And then tonight. It all goes to hell. I actually started doing the work I had zeros for, And I was going to study. Then Doug (my moms boyfriend/fiance of 12  years who is pretty much my \"stepdad\") drives me over to the lot where we are building our new house. On the drive home, he starts bitching at me. He said I was self-centered, he said I never did anything to help around the house, he said I was spoiled, he said I was selfish, he said I was a burden to my mom, he said that no matter what happens to me in my life that I should be happy just because my mom gives me things. I was furious. But in my family, only the adults can show emotion. I have to sit back and take it, take everything, everything they always throw at me, everything I get that they store up against other people. So yea, We get home, my mom comes home, I\'m upstairs, and I hear screaming. Screaming between mom and doug. I wont go into details, because its personal. But bad things, profanities, And it happens a lot, so i\'m used to it. Doug is always the instigator. I try to ignore it like I always do, I\'m distracted from homework so I was a few minutes of tv. The next thing I hear is. \"Nick!!! Get your butt down here now!!! NOW!!!! Get you butt down here right now!!!!\" and I\'m like, shit what do I have to go through now. And then He says \"We have a crisis\" and I go into soccer mom mode. I was frantic and wondering what the \"crisis\" was. So the closer I get downstairs, the louder this weird spewing noise gets. Our water heater had...not exploded....but broken and began to burst and spew from some wierd hole thing. Water is everwhere in our garage. The next hour is full of my mom and doug yelling, me getting yelled at, water going everywhere, mom crying, everyone bitching, me cleaning up everything while doug sat and pouted, Me losing it and flinging my broom around like a psycho out of pure rage and making my mom think I\'ve gone insane. So it wouldn\'t stop leaking. At all. So we had to turn off the water that ran to out house.

So now...we have to running water. No brushing teeth, no showering, no flushing the toilet, it royally sucks ass.

I mean really, could my week get any worse

My mom and doug were planning on going out of town to Tunica this weekend. Thats in Mississippi. From early Friday morning until late Sunday night. I was going to have I have no clue if they will make up and still go. I sure hope so. Because I need a break. The house to myself is like my own quiet, peaceful, refuge.

My grades are going to plumit. And so is my happiness and well-being. I\'m going to have to wake up at five in the morning to find someplace to shower and do all of my morning routine things. Most likely my grandparents\' house.

And like always, I\'m as lonely as humanly possible....

Bleh....I just want it all to go away.

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I love chocolate again....

So yea, not a very big chocolate person. Although I can destroy white chocolate and recees like nobody\'s business. But Target has this new line of chocolate called choxie. It is the best chocolate I have ever had in my entire life. I got the white bark peppermint shortbreat bite things. They\'re bliss. Really, I almost orgasm when I eat it. And the commercials...all the trendy women and vivid visual effects. Its great and it has my approval.

Yea, too busy to write, but I will say that Marie and I ventured out to buy items for my Halloween party. It was fun. Marie acted like she was on heroine half the time though. We danced all through Party City. We couldn\'t help it, the music was just a bit too catchy to handle.

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Who wears short shorts? Not me you dumb bitch.

Yup. I did it. I wore the same outfit two days in a row. And it felt good.

So we had rehearsal tonight. It was so much fun. I can already tell that I\'m going to love this play. I don\'t know if its that we\'re doing a better play, or if its just the mixture of people. But rehearsal just has a really good vibe around it. And its pleasant, fun, and entertaining. At my request, we\'re going to try to end every rehearsal by dancing to the Charlie Brown theme song. Oh yes. 

The first 30 minutes of rehearsal were spent talking about peeing in the shower. Turns out i\'m like the only person in drama who doesn\'t pee in the shower. Someone tell me I\'m not crazy. I like to get clean in the shower. Not piss everywhere. And I\'ve never peed in a sink, or a bottle. Yea, shoot me, I\'m a freak.

Today was one of those days, where things aren\'t going that great, but you\'re in an amazing mood for no apparent reason. It was great, I haven\'t had such a good day, or been in sucha  good mood, in a very long time. I hope its a sign of what\'s to come.

So yea, Chicago here I come. Looking at colleges in Chicago, Planning a trip to visit colleges in Chicago. I cannot wait. I\'m moving on up.

I\'m meeting so many awesome people here lately. Expanding your friend circle, feels damn good. Embrace it.

Oh and also, I broke my streak on Saturday when I wore my brown courds. Hardly anyone noticed that I wore the same jeans for 24 days in a row. lol. wow. Don\'t worry, I washed after three wears. I\'m in love with them though. Only because they\'re the only ones that aren\'t too big and fall off of me when I walk.

This weekend can\'t come soon enough. Deathcab concert on Friday. A Halloween get-together on Saturday (since I can\'t go see Rocky Horror with Macy, Anne, and Casey)


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my friends

my pix