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March 16, 2008

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Writing, photography, scrapbooking, acting, singing, God, hanging out with Garrett and all my other wonderful friends, Italian food, Mexican food, brownies and most anything else chocolate, video production, music, my iPod, dancing, laughing, reading


Switchfoot, Jars of Clay, Lifehouse, Bethany Dillon, Kutless, Relient K, The Fray, Starfield, Leeland, Building 429, U2, Avril Lavigne (first two albums), The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack, no country and no rap


Pride and Prejudice, Phantom of the Opera, While You Were Sleeping, Little Women, Daddy Day Care, A Beautiful Mind, October Sky, The Majestic, The Mighty Duck movies, I Am Sam, Night at the Museum, and many more...


The Bible, Wild At Heart, Waking the Dead, A Walk To Remember, Finding Alice, Little Women, Captivating, Crime and Punishment, The Veritas Conflict, The Picture of Dorian Gray, The Importance of Being Earnest

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It's Never Too Early, Right?

Garrett and I were talking on the phone just a little over an hour ago when he told me that the spring classes were now avalaible online. So once we hung up, I went to check it out. And I have to say, thus far I am mostly pleased (though I am upset with my favorite psych professor ever only teaching the one class I've already had him for - BOO!). 


So yes, I do in fact already have my schedule planned out, permitting that I don't change my mind between now and then... or that MTSU does not change their mind... And one or the other will most likely happen...


Consumer Behavior (Marketing), MWF 9:10 - 10:05

Promotion (Marketing), MWF 10:20 - 11:05

Honors Mass Media Law (EMC), MW 2:20 - 3:45

Persuasion (Psychology), TR 11:20 - 12:45

Play Writing (English), TR 2:40 - 4:05


That's right, at the end of the semester I will be familiar with law, know how to manipulate (uh... I mean persuade) people, and have written plays. Sounds like fun! Well, except the law part...  

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Let's Be Real

We're not real with one another. We want everyone to think we're doing ok when we're not. We hide behind facades and masks and cleverly disguise ourselves as having it all together... but it's just not the case. And that's not ok. And it's especially not ok to feel like you have to hide yourself from everyone, especially your friends or brothers and sisters in Christ.


But the fact of the matter is we do.


And you know what? Honestly, I like myself. I like my personality. I think I look decent most days. I think I'm a nice person. I'm not perfect, but I think I'm alright. But many times what drags me down is worrying what YOU think about me. When you flake me off I wonder if you care. When you totally ignore me in group settings, even though I know we're some sort of friends because we've had some good conversations one on one, it hurts me. And it makes me wonder what's wrong with me. But there isn't anything wrong with me. I'm the way God made me and I don't have to conform to the cookie cutter image the world throws at me.


I struggle with worry and anxiety. I don't pray enough, and when I pray I fee like I almost forget I'm my praying to my Lord and Savior! It almost feels like talking to some mysterious creature in the cosmos. I've lost that awe I once had of Him. I freak out if I feel like something I'm doing is short of perfect. I fear it will fall to pieces and will be a failure, and I fear failure more than anything else. Sometimes I'm afraid to hear God tell me what His will for my life may be. I'm prideful. I'm so selfish. 


I know that everyone who is reading this right now has played fake multiple times. You probably wore a mask today. Are you thrusting yourself into a certain crowd to hide your insecurities? Do you dress a certain way because you feel guys won't love you otherwise? Seriously... what do you have to hide? We've all been there. BE REAL. We are a community. If we can't be real with one another... who can we be real with?


I tell you what (AO people), I'm sure I missed some awesomeness at the fall retreat. But those of you who were there, y'all missed some awesomeness  in Sunday school this morning. I was sleepy and slightly freaked out by Mike Bivens' energy, but what he said this morning really hit at home... we have to be open with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We have to stop playing this game. We can't keep saying we're ok when we're not. It's time to end this. 


It's funny... earlier today I went back to look at my old Xanga entries from high school... oh man... it was kind of painful... things that I thought were so huge then are now laughable. And one day I'll feel that same way about the stuff that concerns me now. Let's face it guys, life is short and we have too little time to waste so much energy on petty problems, people's opinions of us, and all around stupid stuff. What if we took the shift off ourselves and stopped being so petty, and displayed it outwardly to others? What a difference it would make if we truly love one another as God so intended it to be... 


Let's stop having occassional moments when we "do" something real, because that's so temporary and superficial. Let's BE real, a state of being, a lifestyle of authenticity and openness.


Let's be real.  

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Easy as 1, 2, 3

1.) I think my computer is ok.


2.) I think we need to stop letting the Chinese paint our Barbie dolls with lead paint. Get people off welfare and off the streets and employ them to paint the Barbie dolls! 


3.) I really want to go to Europe... like really badly... all over Europe. I'm getting jealous of all my friends and all thei cool picture from Europe.  

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I'm Not on Speaking Terms With an Inanimate Object...

This may sound shallow, but for those of you who have paid over two thousand dollars for something that is supposed to last a while you may understand... Feel free to pray that my iMac doesn't die. It's been acting funny today and it's only a year old. I'm glad I have the extended warranty in case something does happen, but I most certainly prefer there not be. I've restarted it twice and it's still a little off. Thankfully it's letting me back up some files to my external hard drive, something I should have done long ago... Who knows, maybe it will be all better tomorrow...
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September 27, 2007, 10:26 P.M.

I finished with my video shoot... again... but this time I think it will look really good. I also got a little bit more creative in my directing.


It's been a really long day. I went to work, ate cake, went to class, went back to work, ate more cake, skipped class to get my license renewed, went to my mom's office, went to one apartment, went to another apartment, went to Graham's house, then came back to my place... oh yeah, and ate more cake. I'm going to have to go on a diet when all the birthday cakes are eaten up.


And now I would go to bed but I have hardly had the chance to talk to my boyfriend, whom I should be hearing from after his soccer game. But that's ok, I'll just sleep in Saturday... 


Yeah... so Happy Birthday to me... 



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my friends

my pix