This Week

January 12, 2006

well it goes like this the fourth the fifth

the minor fall and the major lift

the baffeled king composing Hallelujah...

well remember when i moved in you

and the holy dove was moving too

and every breath we drew was hallelujah...

     This is most definetly my new favorite song.  Jeff Buckly.. i love his use of Hallelujah, b/c it isn't in the way of Worship.  He uses it to describe strong emotion, which ever one it may be.. its amazing.

Rebekah

January 07, 2006

alas my sister is leaving in the morning...

for three weeks .. when i was thinking i had her for 5 more...

she'll come back for two weeks and then leave to Korea for about 6 months... i honestly dont know how ill survive...

New Years Eve

December 31, 2005i cant wait for this night to get started...

a brand new year... all for me...

and you..

:D

i dont think i've ever loved life quite as much as i do right now..
i dont know where i've gotten such a zest for life.
no things aren't going my way
no i haven't found faith
no i dont have a perfect home life.
no i dont have love
no i dont have fame or fortune
no i dont have a million new tings from christmas..

however i do have
my sister
my GG
my Josef
my MOm'
music
books
peace
power

what more could i possibly need..

josef said his dad said that good things come to those who wait... whhile josef my disagree.
i've waited for years to be at peace with myself and what i have in this life..

im not a good person and i dont deserve this..... but i sure as fcuk can WAIT...

Christmas

December 14, 2005

all the hype and histeria... over gifts and religion and family...

however i  never get in the spirit anymore. not since i was little and even then it was for all the wrong reasons.  Presents...

I think one person has it right this holiday season.  Sarah Hayley. One of the girls that bekah goes to school with in Maryville Tennessee.  She is neither giving or accepting gifts this year.. no exception. As a protest to the corprate Christmas. 

christmas is lame overrated superficial and hypocritical.. People act like they care about others at christmas time but every other day of they year they dont give a fucking shit.

Maybe i\'ll find a christmas worth celebrating this year.

HORRIBLE DAY...

December 08, 2005I felt my world almost collapse today.
i cant remember the last time i cried... yet today i haven\'t been able to stop

I guess the thought of losing my best friend overwhelmed me.
I cant describe how sick my stomache felt all day after seeing her like that. It breaks my heart to see GG cry because of something i\'ve done.

yet it had to be done.. it would have been done sooner or later. I think we both knew that deep down..

the thread that first bound us is no longer holding us together. But its ok, because we built on it these past 3 years and stronger ones are in place to take care of the one that is no longer there.

I feel like total SHIT but then i also feel completely FREE...like a huge weight has been lifted off of me and now i can\'t wait to spreadd my wings and see where they take me.

Today i also realized how great of friends i have... Josef, Cindy, Chante, Christian, Heather, Jennifer,Malory and even Allen. I\'m happy that i have the support that i needed so desperatly.

My MOther is Amazing...

Hope like Hell we wont have school tomorrow.