Heroes and Villains...

A random tangental thought process went through my head today.  Heroes and villains seem to be very detached from society in that they typically don't partake in many, if any, of the typical things those in society partake in.  Not to mention that many cases, their only reason to live is to help or hinder others...most cases, they really don't care what happens to them, so long as they do what want, whether it's help or hinder.

There's a lot more that goes into that thought process; I don't have what I wrote out on paper near me at the moment.  Oh well.

Anyways, thought I'd get the point across that I'm not dead, just not typically making posts...  I'll probably go into more detail about that whole business later on.  In the meantime, take it easy.

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Because everyone's doin' it...

Introduce yourself in one bold, honest paragraph:
My name is Chris Davis, a name that's entirely too used, to say the least.  I'm 20 years old, and am in my second year of college.  My major?  Hell if I know at this point.  My goal in life?  See my previous answer.  My pant size is 34x32.  My t-shirt size is a large.  I'm 5'9.5" in height and currently weigh about 190 pounds (mmm, thickness!).  My shoe size is 11.  My GPA's about 3.27, I think.  I play video games, especially enjoying Dance Dance Revolution and World of Warcraft, not to mention the "old school" stuff.  I constantly deal with the internal issue of finding my place in life and do what I can to help others that come to me.  I'm probably by all means one that should be diagnosed with clinical depression, but I always do what I can to keep it from showing, since I've been told that depression "spreads" much more easily than happiness, and, speaking from personal experience, I don't want anyone to suffer alongside me.

Tell me what people think about you.
What do they think of me?  What am I, a mind reader?!  Golly...  If I were a mind reader, I probably would have a much more interesting life, to say the least! 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My lack of initiative.

Have you ever felt at home with someone?
Yes.  Marissa.  99.9999% chance of being married.  Need I say more?

Describe your appearance.
...Hey, I already this this, except say that my hair's brown and my eyes can change from blue to gray to even slightly green.  So, nyah.

Biggest revelation to date?
Two of them.  One, a recently-acquired one, is that basically, white middle class people seek to rule the world, very generally speaking; this has been based off everything presented to me in my US History class thus far.  Two, industrialism is very much a double-edged sword, for while it may bring economic power, it also brings with it a sense of hopelessness and boredom with life, not to mention that, at least in the US, it's a large factor in fueling racism.

Biggest issue weighing you down?
A lot of things, but mainly purpose.

Theme song?
...There are entirely too many pieces of music that I could all equally consider to be my theme song.  But, overall, I'd probably haveta say the piece called "You're Not Alone" from Final Fantasy 9; on the soundtrack, it's on the 4th disc, track 9, and in the game, it plays when Zidane goes crazy in Pandemonium.  This piece has really touched me, oddly enough; at times, it brings my depression to the surface, and others, it brings out the determination deeply hidden within.

Give me some final parting advice.
I may not know the answers to the universe, or how to live the kind of life that gets you into heaven, and I consider myself far from being wise, but I have a deep feeling that having love in your life is vital to having a good and enjoyable life and that a little love can go a long way.

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Road...what road...?

The road of life I'm supposed to walk...is very much gone from me, if it was ever there to begin with.

...Sitting through history class made me realize something.  What is it I speak of?  Our lives have become quite trivial.  I would say useless, but I'm sure there's something there.  I mean, we don't care about making the world a better place anymore, do we?  We're more interested in going on diets to make ourselves thinner than we are about helping children become better people.  We're more worried about how many people we can score with than we are about what we can do to end needless violence. 

Hell, I even go so far as to say that we're more worried about getting into a good place in the afterlife than we are paving the path to such a place; we don't care how we get there, we care about getting there.  Or at least that's the impression some give me, those of the praying-all-the-time-gets-me-into-heaven type.  Bear in mind, I don't deem Christianity bad by any means, there are just some people that don't uphold what it stands for and thus really shouldn't even be considered a part of it.

Do I apply what I say to my own life?  You bet.  I play World of Warcraft and other video games and spend my time with Marissa.  Other than that and studying, I don't do much of anything else.  I don't stand for a cause that I believe makes the world a better place, I don't go and help people in need...  I keep to myself, and I do what I can to better my position status-wise and financially.  Why?  Because in order to live in this society, you have to constantly do things for yourself if you want to eat, go places, and buy your child a Christmas present they deserve.

It's difficult to explain to you what I feel is wrong in America and our modernized society, other than only money talks and doesn't talk to humanitarian efforts.  Well, that, and people...hmm...how could I put it...don't care.  I care for Marissa, my family, my friends...but I don't exactly care about the rest of the world...

...It really is difficult to find the words to even begin to convey how I feel right now...  I suppose another way of saying it is, quite simply, life is boring.  Life is boring.  Yeah, I suppose it is a sort of way of saying things...  I really do find life as we know it to be somewhat boring.  We simply exist.  No one cares about doing something that'll be a page of history for everyone to look on, I daresay good or bad.  We live out our lives, we work at a job, we get married, we have kids, we retire, we die.  Does history care about this sort of life?  Is this the kind of stuff people will read about in books and whatnot and say, "Wow?"  Hell no.  So many people live lives like this that it's most definitely not noteworthy in the annals of human civilization.

Will people do anything about this?  Probably not.  I'd be lucky to find someone upon reading this to not call me crazy and say, "Oh, he's got a point," and go back to what they're doing.

...I'll be honest and say I really don't know what can be done about it.  I want people to be motivated, but I couldn't begin to tell you what to do to change things.  I suppose, really, that's something you'll have to decide upon for yourself.

...All I know is that society has become stagnant and pointless.  Perhaps sometime I'll figure this out...

...So, what does this huge long-ass talk have to do with me?  Well, everything, really.  It's an incarnation of how I feel to some degree.  I really haven't the foggiest idea on what I want to do with my life, partly because so many paths are so pointless.  There isn't much of anything that I could get out of college that could make life not so pointless in this view.

I guess, from a nerdy way of saying things, is that I don't want to be just some random NPC.  I want to be the hero, I want to do something I feel is right that will lead to hopefully make the world better, I don't want to just be like, "Oh, well, the inn in town is over there."

And until I find that something I must do...my life will be for naught, frivilous, and dull.

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If I'm making a post, I'm stalling on homework...

Yes, a true statement.

Why?  Well, quite honestly, I'm tired of it.  It really sucks that I'm now beginning to find out that programming isn't my cup of tea.  The main problem with this is that...well, I can't exactly change my major and be able to get out of there in 4 years.  Heck, at this point, I really wouldn't know what to consider changing into.  I'm beginning to think about altogether dropping the one class that's gonna give me the most problem for the time being.  Heck, I almost wonder if I should even bother with college.

...Y'know, all I really want to do is enjoy spending time with everyone, doing what I need to do to get by, raise a child that would ultimately become a better person than I could ever hope to be...  Outside of that...  What is there?

I suppose I want to help people.  I want to help people live better lives.  And, really, would sitting in front of a computer inside an office inside a huge building help people live better lives?  I really don't think so; all I'd end up doing is pissing someone off with my lame and flawed code.

...I don't know.  All I know is that coding is simply becoming a pain in the ass and I'm far from the best at it.  Do I simply give up and go for something different and maybe just minor in computer science simply because I have most of the classes I would need to minor in it?  I'm beginning to think that more and more.

...The main problem is that I really don't know what to do with myself if I do go that route.  I want to free myself from this torture, but I have nowhere to turn as of right now.

...I think it's time to go ahead and drop one of the two computer sciences courses I'm taking.  If I at least drop the one, I should be able to focus in my studies of other classes much better than I would be taking it.  Besides, 18 hours is an asston of stuff.  That's probably a part of why I'm so pissed with this class.  But, hey, if I drop it for the time being, it'll make me feel a lot better about it.  Then I take some other random computer science course next semester to round out a minor in computer science...then major in something that doesn't involve asstons of coding.

...Perhaps it's time to go have a look at what there is to do...

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College: Your Tax Dollars on Butt-Sex

...Okay, so the title doesn't have much relation to the post, but it was amusing to reach that conclusion at lunch today.

...I find myself wondering again what I want to do with my life.  One thing's for sure: I've never been sure about this before.  There's so much and yet nothing to do with my life.  Life nowadays is dull.  Problem-free, but dull.  Following a career based on my major would land me in front of a computer screen all day, 5 days a week.  Following many careers based around college would put be somewhere, doing little, 5 days a week.

It really is rather odd to think of things this way, but...  Y'know, I've been playing a lot of World of Warcraft lately.  I've been sitting here, clicking on things, figuring how to best kill things, pushing buttons and whatnot...  If I were to get a programming job, I'd sit in front of a screen and push buttons and figure out how to make the computer do what I want it to do.  From a completely non-contextual standpoint, the two activities are basically the same.  ...So shouldn't I get paid to play World of Warcraft...?

And another thing: MTSU.  I love it, and yet I hate it.  It's a good school.  The problem?  Anyone can get in, including pre-med stupid students that don't know mammals from lizards and think "lizard" is spelled "lizzurd".  Ridiculous.  Just plain ridiculous.  You really have to wonder how people like this get in to college; this's basically something that should've been covered in a 6th grade half-page report for cryin' out loud.

...I want to help people, but at times I just...wanna shoot someone.

Oh, and spinners.  Yeah.  They're retarded.  Useless and retarded.  Especially in inclement weather conditions; when that spinner's spinning, I don't know if your wheels are spinning and I should panic and get the hell way from you before you completely lose control or if your spinners are goin'...  Ghargh.

...Anyways, I guess I need to go home and sleep.

Take it easy, everyone.

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