Jessica Byrd's PhuseBox

here i am...

Jessica Byrd — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 21:04:48 -0600

still in love with someone i can't have

:-(

dead, i wish

Jessica Byrd — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 22:29:32 -0500

so this years JROTC freshmen, atleast the ones at minicamp, friggin rock
they were all pretty cool & eager to learn
graduation went well
except for the fact i had to speak in front of eevveerrrryyoone
and i had to command the demonstartion colorguard
cuz thompson got in a wreck [she's okay :) ]
and parkhurst didn't show [travis was told this but i wasn't?]
but yeah it went well
i didn't like who trent selected as honor cadet, but that's my opinion

other news, life really sucks
i've been hanging with my rotc kids alot lately
but im hurting really bad inside
[so emo, i know]
but sean hates me again
and i miss him alot
so i'm basically SOL for now
if only what people said were true.....

i smell pastries lingering lightly, sweetly over my mouth

[subliminal messaging]

Lately

Jessica Byrd — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 11:50:48 -0500

this week has been quite hectic

my mom is sick cuz of her diabetes
and her birthday is this weekend
me & sean got on good terms
then had a huge blowup
then made it all better
me & david had our first fight
which was reeeeaallllyyyyy....ehhhhh
but yeah mini-camp is next week
and school is soon

shopping here i come

blah!

I've really changed....

Jessica Byrd — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 09:16:14 -0500

And no one believes me

Tonsilitis and stuff......

Jessica Byrd — Tue, 04 Jul 2006 05:24:56 -0500

so my dad thinks i have tonsilitis
my throat hurts rrreealllll bad
and it hurts to swallow/talk/yawn/etc
but the doctor my mom was going to take me to,
well he decided to be out of town this week
i was like; well damn

but yah other than that i'm okay
me and sean are okay
the job thing is at a stand still
i'm tired
but i think i might stay up and nap later
i'm sleeping on the couch lately
i'm too lazy to walk upstairs
and the couch is comfy
except for the fact that when my dad comes home from work
[at nine AM]
he makes alot of racket
and keeps feeling my forehead to see if i have a fever

but yyyyyahhhhhhh
i guess i'll go now
yeah

Oh, forget that.

Jessica Byrd — Mon, 03 Jul 2006 17:59:37 -0500

nevermind

:-)

Where do I go from here, on this lonely road to nowhere?

Jessica Byrd — Sat, 01 Jul 2006 02:45:49 -0500

so, sean broke up with me
he said he felt 'too tied down' to the relationship

i'm a wreck

and i don't think i'll get that job

i need someone

Trying to keep it together...

Jessica Byrd — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 20:58:25 -0500

so i might be getting a job at pizza hut
most likely washing dishes for minimum wage
but right now i really don't care

i've been at morgan's the past two days
we've been hanging out and getting my mind off things
[not to mention the 2AM salad and popcorn}

but yeah me and sean are going through some tough stuff
and i really don't know what to do
let's hope love doesn't dissolve

yeaahhh

More thoughts, I think

Jessica Byrd — Sun, 25 Jun 2006 22:49:58 -0500

i still need a job

gaahh

Thoughts, by me

Jessica Byrd — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 03:46:21 -0500

i need a job

that's it

Got this world upside down, I don

Jessica Byrd — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:17:37 -0500

i'm having a good mood/happy spell

i wanna bake cookies

i love this picture <3

Let my heart rest, in pieces...

Jessica Byrd — Sat, 29 Apr 2006 18:05:10 -0500

you know...

sometimes i really wish my boyfriend could understand my emotions
and how his temper breaks my heart

i'm not suppose to talk to him until monday,
all because of a fight last night and me 'annoying' him

so there's go my weekend down the drain

i really wish i hadn't lost all my friends

DOH!

Jessica Byrd — Thu, 06 Apr 2006 21:54:33 -0500

i wanna have a simpsons marathon
haha that was random
but i love that show

Fading Away...

Jessica Byrd — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 18:30:32 -0500

why am i so damn unloveable?
why can't i find a guy who will treat me right?

Well....yeah....

Jessica Byrd — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 20:45:52 -0500

i have realized i'm a really hazardous driver
i think i may have ADD or something
argh

Love Is A Battlefield...

Jessica Byrd — Sun, 26 Mar 2006 03:33:06 -0600

mmm i'm at a sleepover
hyped up on sugar also

hehehehe <33

i love you

and i miss you

JROTC > You

Jessica Byrd — Tue, 21 Mar 2006 17:11:46 -0600

we got the gold star

kick ass

Open Up Your Box Of Sunshine...

Jessica Byrd — Sat, 11 Mar 2006 21:02:48 -0600

you know i think i need a

change

Danger Ahead!

Jessica Byrd — Tue, 07 Mar 2006 16:08:22 -0600

Stop me before I make a huge mistake.

Gah.

Today Is Here, But I Wish It Was Yesterday....

Jessica Byrd — Mon, 06 Mar 2006 16:13:07 -0600

some birthday
:-(

They Say It's Your Birthday...

Jessica Byrd — Sun, 05 Mar 2006 19:52:05 -0600

I'mma be

tomorrow!!

yay <33

And Solitare's The Only Game In Town...

Jessica Byrd — Wed, 01 Mar 2006 20:11:29 -0600

i don't know really what to say
things are hell right now
might have to go back to east tennessee for a bit
my great grandmother isn't doing well at all
i hate death
i'm almost 16 and i've been to more funerals than most people i know
what 16 year old has been to atleast 6 funerals?
gah death leaves such a void in life
i broke down at lunch today thinking about my papaw
he died like four or five years ago
just thinking about his funeral made me cry
i guess that's just one of the things i have to keep bottled inside,
it just hurts so much sometimes

Come On, Come On....Do The Locamotion With Me.

Jessica Byrd — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 18:41:01 -0600

'listen up,
and try to understand
i wish i could explain
but the words are lost at hand'

yeah i don't know
here is my update for those waiting for it.
i think im sick
i'm shaking, i have a headache and i'm tired
so i guess imma go curl up and go to sleep

Wow...

Jessica Byrd — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 22:38:57 -0600

oh man

this happy thing makes me smile

<33

Not Enough, Or Way Too Much...

Jessica Byrd — Mon, 16 Jan 2006 00:10:08 -0600

yeah single life is still kinda odd
amber is here and we're goofing off
'AHH THEY'RE COOKING LAMBCHOP!'
and i spilled lemonade on my pants
it was really cold
yah she's cheered me up a lot
we watched a cheesy chick flick
and it ended all wrong
damn them!
i've tried to talk to sean,
ended in tears and fighting
blah blah blah
damn him
but anyways
my five slices of pizza are coming back to haunt me
i think i'mma throw up
hahahaa
yeah so i'm expecting a call in exactly 20 minutes and ten seconds
AAAHHHH

<3

Some Friday The 13th,,,

Jessica Byrd — Sat, 14 Jan 2006 14:29:30 -0600

single....again.
why am i so damn unloveable?
i thought i was a good person
but no one ever sticks around long enough to see
or even give it a chance

so this means:
no date to military ball yet
no escort down the attendant line either

i think i fail

i miss those days
and him

:-(

All Alone...

Jessica Byrd — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 23:07:07 -0600

Is it possible to just up and stop loving someone?

Panic Begins...NOW

Jessica Byrd — Wed, 04 Jan 2006 21:59:20 -0600

military ball is in one month exactly (Feb. 4th)
i don't have a dress yet
the one from last year is torn and it's too big
yeah i really don't want to wait until last minute to get a dress
but i'm pretty picky about dresses
it has to be perfect
i've settled for a mediocre dress once and now i hate it
(the dress i wore to oakland's ball in '04)
so yah i'mma go crazy if i don't go dress hunting soon
gargh
well enough about that
school is purty good
i understand almost all my subjects
biology and algebra II the best,
which actually amazes me
hehhee
but yeah that's it
byeee<33

Slow Dancing...

Jessica Byrd — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 00:40:10 -0600

So I didn't have that good of a Christmas.
It was pretty boring.
Learned that Ambien makes me all drunk-like
And I don't remember much after that.
But you know what I love?
Me and Sean dancing in the middle of my room to our song.
Yeah we're cheesy.
But it feels so good to just be in love.
And I don't want to lose this feeling, ever.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree?

Jessica Byrd — Sat, 10 Dec 2005 10:12:48 -0600

so we're going to east tennessee for christmas
kill me now
sean is going to babysit my georgie porgie (my guinea pig)
the great dane and dad are staying here
some christmas, eh?
but i do get to see my mom's friend's baby
(who is so incredibly adorable)

yeah...still haven't gotten any pictures of my new haircut

parade is tomorrow, which i'm not looking forward to
it's going to be incredibly cold
but it does earn me my beret at the end of the year
major yay

i'm hungry but if i eat now,
knowing my parents, they'll bring lunch home when they get back
yeah

i found out yesterday that i am a total loner in 2nd period
most of my algebra II class probably doesn't know my name
we had a party yesterday and no one noticed i didn't eat
it was pretty odd
but i made a D on the test i took in there on tuesday
which really upset me because i thought i aced it
and my english quizzes/ tests, i also bombed

i need to get more organized
and stop freakin procrastinating

but yeah here i am on a saturday, bored as hell
i wanna go see a charlie brown christmas tonight
but i don't know if my parents will let me
and i want sean to go too
i duno i may be going to the movies with amber and some people
so i guess i'll see how that goes

this was a really long update
i guess i'll shut up now

much love <3

Looks Like We Made It...

Jessica Byrd — Sun, 04 Dec 2005 19:53:07 -0600

i love him so much

and i really hope this lasts

Come A Little Closer, Baby....

Jessica Byrd — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 18:18:49 -0600

i thought i was doing pretty well
but around the end of fourth period and lunch time, i lost it
i cried harder than i've cried in awhile
and amazingly he was there to hold me
he called me baby again and it calmed me down
i always loved how he has that effect on me
he just about had to force me to eat
but i'm probably going on a diet anyways
i wish i were with him
i still want to cry
i hope i get a second chance at all this
i want to be with him so badly, it hurts.

I miss my baby.

Just about my favorite picture.

Date, Anyone?

Jessica Byrd — Mon, 21 Nov 2005 16:03:03 -0600

So I'm single as of yesterday.

It hurts.

I want to get out.

Maybe date and get to know different guys.

So if you have a friend, a brother, or your a guy who wants to hang out sometime, remark me.

Wow, I sound pathetic.

But I'm just trying to meet new people.

I've been sticking to my cramped little group of friends.

It's time I get to know new kinds of people.

But yeah I gotta go get ready for Colorguard.

random picture

bitch, puh-lease

Oh My Love...

Jessica Byrd — Fri, 04 Nov 2005 18:33:30 -0600

So there's this boy.

Who met this girl

They are kinda odd...

Okay, they're really odd

Sometimes they don't understand the world

But in the end....

Love always prevails.

mWaH*!*!*!

Forever Ended Too Soon...

Jessica Byrd — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 10:40:49 -0600

I give up on everything.

But I just can't let go.

Even though he did so long ago.

Everything I do, I do it for you

Jessica Byrd — Sun, 16 Oct 2005 11:14:01 -0500

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more

It's true.

I just wish he felt the same way.

I hate when he's confused.

God, please help him realize his feelings.

Only six days till our one year.

I don't know if we'll make it.

Gone.

Jessica Byrd — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 03:52:35 -0500

If this ends,
There goes my life.

Let's Make The Stars Our Canvas, Will You Save Me Tonight?

Jessica Byrd — Fri, 07 Oct 2005 20:12:22 -0500

What the hell is going on?

I'm stuck in the middle of melodrama and I don't even know it started.

One person doesn't know how he feels towards his girlfriend, my friend.

She comes to me thinking I know all about it.

I know fucking nothing.

She goes to my boyfriend for comfort, possibly?

What....in....the....hell?

My boyfriend asks me what the girl's boyfriend said.

And I still don't know what's going on.

He didn't tell me anything.

So why do they think he did?

I am lost.

Now it feels like everyone's against me.

My friend is gone for the weekend.

My boyfriend won't talk to me.

And the girl's boyfriend says there's nothing to say.

I fail, again.

It's Going Downhill.

Jessica Byrd — Sun, 02 Oct 2005 17:56:33 -0500

I think my life is just going to crash.

I hope it doesn't.

But it feels like it's going to.

Stuck Inside This Rut I Fell Into By Mistake.

Jessica Byrd — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 19:31:25 -0500

I feel like I need to start over.
Just cut my hair, dye it, change my wardrobe.
Change my name if need be.
The old Jessica was too uptight.
Now I need to be free and fun.
I'm trying to break the chains that hold me down.
I just want to break free.

I gotta get out here,
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape. <3

And What I Really Meant To Say.

Jessica Byrd — Sat, 17 Sep 2005 08:48:27 -0500

So life is good.
Not bad but not exactly estatic.
I'm bored and lonely.
And hungry.
So I guess I'll go eat.

Chicken Lo Mein And Eyes Full Of Tears.

Jessica Byrd — Mon, 12 Sep 2005 20:25:40 -0500

So yeah all was good.
Until I had to go and act like I was five again.
I'm spoiled and I have a hard time getting over that.
I just wish he was here, it's always better when he's here to comfort me.
It's weird how when we're together, he's always holding me if I cry.
But on the phone he either gets worried or gets annoyed.
I guess I shouldn't go on my little emo trips when he's tired.
He's my everything, my absolute best friend.
I need to strengthen myself as a person.
Maybe then I'd show people I'm not all emotional and spoiled like before.
I want to be happy all the time and carefree.
I want all this stress just to go away already.

'Come baby,
Just let me hold you near.
Come on baby,
I'll chase away any fear.
Come on baby,
Please don't cry here.
Come on baby,
I'll wipe away each tear.
Come on baby,,
Smile for me from ear to ear.
You;'e my only one, every day of every year.
Come on baby,
Just let me love you, my dear.'

Just wrote it. <3

Paint It Black.

Jessica Byrd — Fri, 09 Sep 2005 21:48:00 -0500

Again, things have gone to hell quicker than you can say it.

When we're together it's usually pretty good.

But when on the phone, we fight about alot of stuff.

I cry alot and usually I don't know why.

Sometimes it's school, other it's me or him.

I'm just so stressed sometimes and I wish he'd understand that.

He says just forget it and don't worry about it.

But it always comes back to haunt us.

I really don't mean to over react about some things. Others I just let everything go and I cry and cry.

I'm trying to be a better girlfriend but I feel like a failure.

I'm afraid to lose him, that's the biggest fear.

As long as I have him with me, I'll be happy.

Whether I show it or not.

Because Of You, I Am Afraid

Jessica Byrd — Mon, 05 Sep 2005 12:13:18 -0500

My fears:
Death
Being alone
Being unloved
Raw meat
Drowning
Talking to new people
Not accomplishing my goals
Being buried alive

That's all I can think of at the moment but I have some really strange fears. :-\

But anywho...things are better and I'm happy.

yay for happy!

I Will Remember You, Will You Remember Me?

Jessica Byrd — Fri, 26 Aug 2005 20:15:53 -0500

I think my life is one big overly dramatic movie.

And I have a soundtrack to every freakin-drama moment it seems.

Like tonight....the song 'I Will Remember You' by Sarah McLachlan (sp?) could have easily fit in with me and Sean standing under the bleachers. It was just him holding me, trying to get me not to cry. I'm just one big wreck right now.

I'm not a bad person, really I'm not.

I'm changing my emotional dilemmas the best I can. I'm trying my hardest and I hate being told I'm not trying hard enough or I'm not changing fast enough.

I just want things to be okay.

Kill Me Softly.

Jessica Byrd — Mon, 22 Aug 2005 16:17:11 -0500

mmm so i broke my toe.

it's red and purple at the moment.

not much more to say.

That's Me In The Corner, That's Me In The Spotlight.

Jessica Byrd — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 16:18:48 -0500

Okay things are much better.

Everything is wonderful again.

I'm Going Crazy Crazy Crazy Just Thinking About You Baby.

Jessica Byrd — Thu, 11 Aug 2005 13:41:32 -0500

Everything feels different.

School feels different.

People are different.

He's obviously different.

But I'm the same it seems.

I'm emotional and crying again.

Stubborn and afraid of heartbreak.

Without You, All I'm Going To Be Is Incomplete.

Jessica Byrd — Wed, 10 Aug 2005 11:44:37 -0500

I'm tired of this.

Don't Go.

Jessica Byrd — Fri, 05 Aug 2005 04:12:58 -0500

I think I just had the worst dream I have ever had.