so... tomorrow is my eighteenth bday! but this week has been awful!

yesterday I was the saddest I have ever been in the longest time... my boyfriend wrote me a note, saying how he needed a "break"! what!!!! in a freakin note!! we've been goin out since ninth grade and he tells me he wants a break in a note! what a loser! I was soo sad! in fifth period, all I did was cry!- and it takes a lot for me to cry! I mean, I have been getting mad at him over stupid stuff here lately, but just last month, I found out he cheated on me in January, and I never broke up with him- he begged me not to, cried, and said it would never happen again! I guess this month I've been irritated and putting a lot of stress on him, but I have not gotten over him cheating on me.... and after all the crap he's put me through he tells me he wants space...again, in a note!!!! it was the most embarassing thing ever, and a great birthday present....

anyways... I hate being/ sounding so pessimistic, cuz I'm usually really happy.. but isn't that a little messed up??? what do I do.... today he said he didn't just want to be friends, and he still wants to be together, and come to my birthday party??? ugh.... he is way to confusing! and just thinking about us not together makes me sad... :(