I'm sitting here tonight with much trepidation, ok maybe it's not that bad, but the anxiousness and nervousness is definitely welling up inside of me know. In less than 11 hours I will officially be at my new, but temporary job with BGEA. I haven't really been thinking about tomorrow. Probably trying to forget about it most times. In all honesty and regretful admittance, I'm not looking forward to it. In fact, I think...no I KNOW that my friends and family are much excited about this job than I. I so despise entering any situation while being uncertain of it. I know that God can and has in the past proved me wrong during such situations, it's just that things go so much smoother when I myself am excited about it. In one manner, I think I'm taking this job is to 1) have some money to pay bills, 2) to hopefully earn enough to move out and 3) to appease my parents. That last one is tough because some time before deciding to go to NYC, I was looking for some temporary work and someone at BGEA heard my name and was interested in me. I, at the time, wasn't interested in BGEA at all (well, not much has really changed I suppose) and therefore I didn't even look into the offer. My parents were furious with me. Thankfully, I was spending the night at a friend's house when the worst of it took place. So now I feel like I'm getting ready to "do my time" so that they'll be satisfied and hopefully leave the job decision making up to me.

How do I find myself in situations like this? I really just want to hide tomorrow morning and never go on with this. And I don't completely understand why I feel this way. For one, I don't agree with building a whole ministry around one person. Sure BG has done lots of stuff for lots of people, but without him, what is it? For God sakes...the ministry is named after him, almost glorifying him in that. I've just never agreed with anyone who does that.

Well...surprise...as you can probably tell, this is definitely not my dream job. It is only temporary, thank God. It is a job, at least I have that. So many people don't have that or else are making 5 or 6 dollars an hour at Wal-mart or McDonalds. s well as so many people on trhe gulf coast have just lost their jobs and now have nothing.

God, please prove me wrong. God please use me tomorrow, in the next few weeks and in the next few months. God, let me see the positive in all of this, not the negative. God, I don't know where or what it is that You ultimately want for my life. Please use this as a stepping stone, not a roadblock.

Thank you all for listening! I haven't really been able to unload my worries, that is until you read this. PLEASE...any and all prayers and encouragement are appreciated right now and in the next few days and weeks!