Well ... its been a while!!!

Lets see whats happened ...

I am now 18 ... woohoo legal baby!!!
I met a boy ... a new boy ... and I like him ... A LOT!!! But ... of course things are complicated ... why would this time be any different???
Things with some friends have gone downhill ...
Home life is ok ... cant complain but cant get over excited

Well ... I'm sitting in debate class right now ... for the last time EVER!!!
Its kinda sad ... but not ... I mean I'm so ready to get out of high school ... I'm done with all the drama I'm tired and ready for bigger and better things ... but I'm scared ... scared that I wont ever see some of these people ever again ... these people that I've grown up with for the past 8 years ... even though I dont talk to everyone that I used to ... it was still nice to see their face everyday ... now that we dont have to come to school everday ... never in this school again ... I wont see them all the time!!! And its sad!!!

Tomorrow is my last day of high school!!! Its soooo weird!!! I'm graduating in a week!!! Wow ...

I dont know what else to say other than keep repeating myself so ... enough of that!!!

Now ... about this boy ...
his name is cody hes sooo sweet!!! He's a good christian which is hard to find these days, but it does make somethings harder ... which brings us to the complications ... he says he's so in love with his future wife *whoever she is* that he doesnt want to even think about cheating on her and by dating other girls ... he would be cheating on her ... holding hands and kissing and all those emotions are made for your husband or wife is what he says ... but what I say is how do you know who youre gonna marry without dating??? You cant juz look at someone and be like I'm gonna marry them!!! But I totally respect his views ... so right now we're best friends ... who knows maybe he'll change his mind and let his true feelings for me out ...

Autum's Monologue

Oh why cant I be what you need
a new improved version of me
but i'm nothing so good
no i'm nothing
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence of love and of sorrow
i beg for just one more tomorrow
where you hold me down fold me in
deep deep deep in the heart of your sins

I break in two over you
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you dont see me, you dont...

here i'm in between darkness and light
bleached and blinded by these nights
where im tossing and tortured til dawn
by you, visions of you then youre gone
the shock lifts the red from my face
when i hear someone's taking my place
how could love be so thoughtless, so cruel
when all, all that i did was for you

i break in two over you
i break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
but you dont see me you dont..

i break in two over you
i break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
but you dont see me you don't...

i break in two over you
i break in two over you, over you
i break in two
i would break in two for you
now you see me
now you don't
now you need me
now you don't

The Fiction We Live

You might be just what I need
No I would not change a thing
Been dreaming of this so long
But we only exist in this song
The thing is, I'm not worth the sorrow
And if you come and meet me tomorrow
I will hold you down, fold you in
Deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live
I break in two over you
I break in two
And if a piece of you dies
Autumn, I will bring you back to life
Of course I see you
I do.