I remember...
December 01 2005
11/29/05
Do you remember that day I walked up to you and told you I had to take
a break from you? I remember. You and Amber had had another 'conflict
of interests' so you were hanging out with Cam and a friend( mutual or
not, I'm not sure). It was the hallway right after the doors to get off
the buses. I sat there, listening, waiting for you to leave, to talk to
you alone. You didn't want to leave, though. I had to drag you
away-almost literally drag you away. You wanted to know "why" I wasted
you to come with me; you didn't understand why i was important; you
wanted to hang out with friends. So you walked with me part-way down
the hall, just far enough away to be out of hearing of Cam and his
friend, and I told you I needed to take a break. At the time I was
under tremendous pressure-emotiona, mostly. See, I had never liked a
guy before you. I didn't know what it was like to be let down. ALl I
understood was the emotional grief. I watched as you dated girl after
firl, but never really liking any of them. You were obsessed with
Amber, just as I was obsessed with youy. It was hard, oh-so hard, to
watch as you went out with each girl, knowing you'd just break up with
them again. It broke my heart. I'm just glad I told you no becore you
could ever ask me. Somewhere I knew it was best that way.
That was the hardest time of my entire life: to tell you "no" and then
to tell you later that I couldn't handle being around you. I, honestly,
was scared witless. THe only thing that kept me going was your promise
that no matter what, everything would be "okay." And I believed you.
And you kept your promise. For that I thank you. I think if I had lost
your friendship then, I would've never been the same after that,
because, not only was I obsessed with you, but I loved you. I'm not
talking about the fickle "oh I love you" one day that can be said to
somebody else the next day. It may have been at that time, but it's
become so much more. I think youi're the only person I can truly say I
know without a doubt that I love you.
I have though over it too many days and too many nights. Do I love my
other friends? That I cannot say, but I can definately say I care about
them. [I think after you broke my heart, I closed my heart off. I
dunno, I
may love other people, but I don't think I am able to admit it any
longer. Am I afraid it will hurt too much? I don't know. Maybe one day
I will learn again.]
You do not need to worry though; I'm no longer obsessed with you, nor
do I like you in such a way. [I have moved on with my life.] In fact, I
have not liked you at all as of late.
Starting last year you started to ignore me. Why? Rachel became your
new best friend...and you started doing out with Missy. You no longer
had any time for me.
Up until recently, actually, I've been rather resentful of this. Then I
realized how stupid this was, however. People change, friends will grow
apart-and we certainly did. I am greatly saddened by this, believe it
or not, because I always know I had a strong friend in you.
You were always somebody I would go to if I was upset or if I was just
down or depressed. When we grew apart, so did my ability to talk to
people about things. I miss having a strong, Christian friend as a
confident who I alwyas knew would be there for me.
But I don't mean to make you feel bad-quite the opposite. I want to
thank you. Thank you for being my friend-even if we've drifted apart.
Thank you for being my confident when I needed one most. Thank you for
caring, in 9th grade Biology, for that shy little girl who's supply of
friends was about to drop off the face of the earth.
I thank you for always being there. I thank you for always willing to
give me a hug-just because we were friends. (That meant so much more to
me that I think anybody-me included- realized. Only when you have to go
without something do you truly realize what it meant to you.)
I could go on forever and thank you for the many things you've done-the
memories, the experiences, the unconditional friendship ([even if it
was a bit akward and strained at times]), but all I truly want to say
is thanks for everything and I love you. God bless.
Most of you don't have a clue what
this was about-a few will. Don't feel bad-for me or for the situation?
This was merely for me to reminisce-and maybe to show to certain
persons. I don't know.
However Comments are discouraged.
I don't particuarly care what comments you may have about me and/or my
past, but I will not stop you from commenting. I don't want any
emotional comments, however. I'm sorry, but it's pretty much just lost
on me.
Do you remember that day I walked up to you and told you I had to take
a break from you? I remember. You and Amber had had another 'conflict
of interests' so you were hanging out with Cam and a friend( mutual or
not, I'm not sure). It was the hallway right after the doors to get off
the buses. I sat there, listening, waiting for you to leave, to talk to
you alone. You didn't want to leave, though. I had to drag you
away-almost literally drag you away. You wanted to know "why" I wasted
you to come with me; you didn't understand why i was important; you
wanted to hang out with friends. So you walked with me part-way down
the hall, just far enough away to be out of hearing of Cam and his
friend, and I told you I needed to take a break. At the time I was
under tremendous pressure-emotiona, mostly. See, I had never liked a
guy before you. I didn't know what it was like to be let down. ALl I
understood was the emotional grief. I watched as you dated girl after
firl, but never really liking any of them. You were obsessed with
Amber, just as I was obsessed with youy. It was hard, oh-so hard, to
watch as you went out with each girl, knowing you'd just break up with
them again. It broke my heart. I'm just glad I told you no becore you
could ever ask me. Somewhere I knew it was best that way.
That was the hardest time of my entire life: to tell you "no" and then
to tell you later that I couldn't handle being around you. I, honestly,
was scared witless. THe only thing that kept me going was your promise
that no matter what, everything would be "okay." And I believed you.
And you kept your promise. For that I thank you. I think if I had lost
your friendship then, I would've never been the same after that,
because, not only was I obsessed with you, but I loved you. I'm not
talking about the fickle "oh I love you" one day that can be said to
somebody else the next day. It may have been at that time, but it's
become so much more. I think youi're the only person I can truly say I
know without a doubt that I love you.
I have though over it too many days and too many nights. Do I love my
other friends? That I cannot say, but I can definately say I care about
them. [I think after you broke my heart, I closed my heart off. I
dunno, I
may love other people, but I don't think I am able to admit it any
longer. Am I afraid it will hurt too much? I don't know. Maybe one day
I will learn again.]
You do not need to worry though; I'm no longer obsessed with you, nor
do I like you in such a way. [I have moved on with my life.] In fact, I
have not liked you at all as of late.
Starting last year you started to ignore me. Why? Rachel became your
new best friend...and you started doing out with Missy. You no longer
had any time for me.
Up until recently, actually, I've been rather resentful of this. Then I
realized how stupid this was, however. People change, friends will grow
apart-and we certainly did. I am greatly saddened by this, believe it
or not, because I always know I had a strong friend in you.
You were always somebody I would go to if I was upset or if I was just
down or depressed. When we grew apart, so did my ability to talk to
people about things. I miss having a strong, Christian friend as a
confident who I alwyas knew would be there for me.
But I don't mean to make you feel bad-quite the opposite. I want to
thank you. Thank you for being my friend-even if we've drifted apart.
Thank you for being my confident when I needed one most. Thank you for
caring, in 9th grade Biology, for that shy little girl who's supply of
friends was about to drop off the face of the earth.
I thank you for always being there. I thank you for always willing to
give me a hug-just because we were friends. (That meant so much more to
me that I think anybody-me included- realized. Only when you have to go
without something do you truly realize what it meant to you.)
I could go on forever and thank you for the many things you've done-the
memories, the experiences, the unconditional friendship ([even if it
was a bit akward and strained at times]), but all I truly want to say
is thanks for everything and I love you. God bless.
Most of you don't have a clue what
this was about-a few will. Don't feel bad-for me or for the situation?
This was merely for me to reminisce-and maybe to show to certain
persons. I don't know.
However Comments are discouraged.
I don't particuarly care what comments you may have about me and/or my
past, but I will not stop you from commenting. I don't want any
emotional comments, however. I'm sorry, but it's pretty much just lost
on me.
Ben Moser
December 01 2005
i know you discouraged comments...but i had to say that your story is very real. its similar to mine. and the whole closing up the heart thing. yeah- im there too.
