i just can't think of anything to say.
i'm achieving the virtue of patience whether i want it or not.

Back in Kuwait...............bummer

i never thought it would be so good to be back in cookeville. turns out i did like it here. came back to an apartment i'd never seen but it's actually pretty nice and not very expensive. it's almost on campus too which is cool. went to alpha omega last night at belle aire. it was pretty cool. may have to hit it up again next wednesday. not looking forward to next thursday. dont' think about it......dont' think about it........

one week into my leave. saw the family and most of my friends so far. keith has disappeared off the face of the earth, and cassie needs to pick up her phone. hanging out w/ gage and cody at greyfriars. i love chattanooga. every time i come here i like it more and more. may just have to stay here for awhile, like a few years. i dread going back more than i've dreaded just about anything in my life. trying not to think about it. mojo burrito is calling my name. gotta go.

I'm so excited, ....i may vomit! well maybe not but i am livid with anticipation.

i'm excited but at the same time i don't think it's really sunken in yet. strange

5 days until i go home!!!
hopefully the sun won't have fried my brain completely by then.
i miss going to church. i've been to church like three times in the past 16 months. army service is a joke. a couple general songs and then catholic communion. not even worth going to. i guess it's really up to me to keep myself right but the encouragement of like believers always helps. the longer i go the more i seem to slip. 3 months or so and i'll be home for good. then i can have all the church i want.
how many things i've taken for granted in my life. my prayer is to not let this happen.

listening to G.Love: The Hustle

life is a strange reality. i'm not sure what to add to that. the more of life i experience the more i realize i couldn't possibly figure it out on my own. i'm glad i have the almighty for a guide.
8 days until i come home!!
the 2 wks is gonna fly by so fast but i'm gonna try not to think about that. i'll worry about it when i get back. fortunately i only have 2 or 3 months to go when i get back. should go by pretty fast.
sometimes i feel like i'm the only one who has any perspective or direction in life and sometimes i feel like everyone but me has perspective and direction in life. unfortunately it's mostly the latter. ever felt like that? i think it tends to change w/ the mood i'm in which prevents me from getting a clear picture of where i'm actually headed. this is a bit much for a friday night. sleep always helps.
keep my granddad in your prayers. he's probably going to have to have a radical surgery in which they actually remove the lung to get the cancer out. doesn't sound like fun. pray for him if you could.

i've written the next paragraph like 5 times and deleted it over and over. i'm not sure what i'm trying to say. forget it. maybe i'll get it out later.

we have these little bag heaters we heat our food in when out on a job. the chemicals reacting w/ the water sounds like the patter of rain on a tin roof. i hope it rains when i'm home. i used to hate rain with a passion, especially when i was working at the depot. we haven't had even a sprinkle since mid-january. i'd love to see some rain right now.

listening to Coldplay: A Rush of Blood to the Head

i am sick as a dog. less than two weeks until i go home and i get sick for the first time since i left. that's just my luck.

finally finished my days of duty at the internet commo center, which just a fancy name for the internete cafe thing. absolutely crazy amounts of people. i feel bad cutting people off after a few minutes since communication w/ their family is minimal. i really lucked out getting in on the internet deal i did. kind of pricy but definitely worth it. the internet lines are insane. the shifts were 12 hours but it flies by since it's so busy. i went on a reading spree in the spare time i had. i read everything i could get my hands on in the room. i finished The Five People You Meet in Heaven, a book i found in a box, an issue of US News cover to cover, also an issue of Time i found, and two week old newspapers. i even read all the papers that people had printed out and left sitting there. I think maybe it was because I thoroughly enjoyed The Five... and I wanted more but there just wasn't anything on hand that would suffice. i'm weird about the way i read books. i'll either sacrifice all the time i have that day to read it entirely through, or i'll read a chapter or so and never pick it up again. i think it's all in whether the beginning captivates me or not. most books have a slower part but the intro needs to be enticing. you gotta sell your product! anyway, enough rambling about books. i hope all of u had a great day. i know schools starting for alot of people right now and i so wish i could join you but that's life. that's all i can think to say. um... take care.

today was a pretty good day for a change. thank God for that. i am exhausted tho. i complain alot compared to some but when the chips aren't down i realize how much i really do love life. maybe not this part of it but the journey is the destination right?

have u ever been tired to the point where nothing bothers u at all? no matter what happens it just all seems hilarious. i've reached that state and quite frankly it works for me. i ended up having to pull another shift right after my last very frustrating day. this propelled me into a state of exhaustion just prior to hallucination. i almost don't wanna go to sleep because this overwhelming state of apathy is the best i have felt in awhile. i'm sure i'll be passed out w/ in 2 minutes tho. i just finished reading The Five People you Meet in Heaven. good book. Mitch Albom's books always capture my interest. he also wrote Tuesday's with Morrie which is a really good book. they read almost like a fiction novel but it's all true. i think that's all for now. my head is getting heavy.

i'm a very easy going person and it's very rare for my temper to reach it's breaking point. but i was so angry today i could've sworn there was blood boiling out of my ears. there's nothing like working your butt off all day in 130+ just to get cussed up and down by a jackass over things that aren't done that he never told u he wanted done. especially while he's been sitting in the ac at the barracks all day. i've never really hated anyone in my life but God help me i hate this man. anyway i look at it i lose simply because of the military's backwards hierarchy. i need to cool down.
pray for me to take the right approach to all this and handle it the way I should.

not much to say. actually i have alot to say i'm just not sure how to express it all right now. maybe i should think this one through some more.
i miss my family and friends like crazy.
that's about it.
listening to Pink Floyd:A Momentary Lapse of Reason

On the Turning Away is by far one of my favorite songs by them, or any band for that matter.
definitely check it out if u haven't heard it.

Long day today, but alot of fun. My company had an MWR day (morale, welfare, and recreation). so basically they force you to spend your free time hanging around all the people that you're tired of working with. they usually stink but today turned out to be great. we went down to the Persian Gulf and did some water survival training w/ our battalions diver team and then we swam in the Gulf for the rest of the day. way too salty, but it felt good to just get a chance to swim after swallowing sand for so llong.


photo from Habas

For lunch i ate a bunch of s'warma which is a local middle eastern dish w/ beef or chicken and a bunch of peppers and spices and stuff.


photo from Habas

very good but so very spicy. love 'em! still can't wait to get back and get me some camino real. now my mouth's watering. and i'm tired. time to hit the sack.

9:27pm...can't sleep...
is insomnia a disease? or maybe a result of stress or malnutrition, who really knows for sure? gotta be at work in 3 hrs. i think i'm gonna go for a run. i always feel better after a good long run.
21 days between me and the states!
i'm anxious to get home and see what my apartment looks like. so my roommate decides to just up and get rid of my house and move us both to an apartment in town. something about spores or asthma or something. i think he went a little crazy living by himself while i'm gone. so much for privacy and fireworks. now i'm living under a youth pastor and his family. nothing against them but there's a certain amount of noise that comes w/ a group of college guys. i really don't think it's gonna fly too well. we'll see.
have u ever had a moment of clarity? like when a situation is out of control or frustrating or whatnot and it's just like things stop and everything becomes very clear for a moment. i had one of those today while i was working. is this making any sense at all?

listening to Counting Crows:Films about Ghosts.

this blog is dedicated to bob. bob passed away today from unknown causes. he will be sorely missed by all.


photo from Habas

i actually had a pretty good day today apart from the death of bob, but lets be realistic, we're at war and he's just a hedgehog. got the day off so i got to sleep in for once which was awesome. i slept in so late i cant go to sleep now. i got 2 more days off from my platoon sergeant. he mixed a thing of milk w/ a bunch of mustard and bet me 2 days off that i couldn't drink it and keep it down. well i did it and believe u me i'm collecting on the days.
i feel it's time to explain "Habas". the locals that work the laundry place at the camp here can't read english too well. they looked at my uniform and thought my name was bread. the arabic word for bread is habas, so that's what they call me every time i go in there.
so i checked my phusebox this afternoon and i had messages from all kinds of people. so many new people to get to know! totally cool. really lifts your spirits to know that people care. maybe there's hope for this world yet.

today i'm listening to Five for Fighting:The Battle for Everything. good music. thank you to cassie for introducing me to five for fighting back in the day.
cyaz

25 days! can't wait to get to the house. hot and dusty all day w/ high winds. i ran the trackhoe all day which was lucky cuz it's probably the only piece of equipment in kuwait w/ an enclose cab and air conditioning!! ac is hard to come by these days. the old beat up radio is broke but that's what ipods are for. caught up w/ a friend of mine which was cool. also a big encouragement. few people realize what kind of impact they have. i've never felt like i've made much of an impact on most people. idunno if that's good or bad, just the way i feel. but like i said, if i did, i didn't realize it very well. oh well, i'm tired and talking jibberish. g'night.

so i go out to get in the truck this morning and there's a desert lizard in my seat. how he got in there is beyond me. i gathered from all the hissing and snapping that he doesn't like people too much. another day in the desert.....
no good, no bad, just another day.
no emails, no messages, hmph

today officially stunk. i don't think i've ever hated anybody in my life. however i'm starting to develop a strong hatred for some people in my platoon. it's just not healthy. i know it's not how i should deal or even close to how God would want me to deal but sometimes it's just hard when somebody's in your face. my patience is just wearing thin i think. if u know any passages that are encouraging w/ this kinda stuff let me know cuz that would help alot. i looked but didn't come up w/ anything direct. i need more time, and a vacation.....
i think i need some good influences in my life. i can always rely solely on God and i am so thankful for that. support from those around you can also be so helpful.
27 more days!!
Listening to Live:Birds of Pray. love this album! i can relate to "what are we fighting for". i can also answer it. bush is an oil man right? u do the math.

bear w/ me on the photos. middle eastern satellites aren't quite up to par. about a pic a day is all i can upload w/o getting kicked off the net. $40 measly bucks for cable internet doesn't seem quite so bad anymore. it's probably even cheaper than that by now. 29 days till my 2 wk leave!! i'm stoked! i can't seem to remember what it's like being at home. i'm sure it'll be better than i remember. first stop is starbucks for an irish cream breve! i tried to explain to haji man what a breve is. it didn't work out too well. after we went in circles for half an hour i gave in and got a macchiato, which tasted more like a mocha w/o any foam or whip. arabian coffee is supposed to be some of the best in the world. these guys are really slipping. being a coffee enthusiast (addict) myself, i am sorely disappointed in these people's sad attempts to serve up a good cup a joe. however i am thankful that on occasion i have access to any kind of coffee house, especially considering my environment. i should be counting my blessings for the coffee i do have..........or just making it myself. enough about coffee and now my fingers are tired. tonights selection is David Gray: A Century Ends one of my favorite albums by him. check it out if u get a chance. "wisdom" is one of my favorites. doesn't deliver the best message in the world but still a good song. Laters

So I bit the bullet and joined the "bloggers". A genuine leap of faith having no previous knowledge of what a blog was. Rather daring on my part i think. According to this nifty online dictionary, a blog is a a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page that often reflects the personality of the author. I'll do my best to reflect my personality through the many blogs to come. Anyway, a little bit about me. I'm in Kuwait for 8 months now. Over 15 months since I've seen my own doorstep. Only 4 more to go! I'm an aspiring automotive engineer with so many doubts about what I wanna do with my life I can't even begin to scratch the surface here. There's really nothing I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. The more I work for other people the more I want to work for myself. Starting a coffee house is looking pretty good about now. Who needs big bucks anyway? Moola=Happiness? Hardly I think. Who exactly am I writing this stuff to? Does it matter? Take it for what it's worth and with my blessing. I actually only know a couple people connected to the phusebox. Until more come along me and my 2 blog buddies will persevere. That means u nate and cassie. Nate I'm still very bitter at you for abandoning eric in the face of all those dangerous spores. We'll work through this...let's never fight again. My fingers are tired and I need sleep. 4 hrs a night for 2 months and I am running on empty!!! Thankfully we finally finished the neverending project on Saturday and sleep is so sweet. This makes no sense to most of you. I operate heavy equipment in the army and we were building a staging area/defensive position for tank convoys. Improving a flat desert so all terrain vehicles and roll over it smoother i guess?? the colonel in all his wisdom. ... Tonight i'm listening to Allison Krauss & Union Station: Lonely Runs Both Ways. Very peaceful music. I'm gonna sleep soooooo good...